Voicemail

"This is Staff Sergeant Tom Caldicott. I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you"

Sitting alone in her hotel room, she replaced the receiver carefully and tried to distract herself with her book. Anything to stop thinking about him. She knew that when he was in his office, one of those technical jamming devices, so beloved of the military, meant that mobile phones were inoperational and so she was at liberty to listen to him say those words whenever she pleased.

The timbre of his voice sent shivers down her spine and she could feel the familiar heat moistening the triangle between her legs. His dominance was almost complete in that he could excite her when he wasn't even there.

There was an imbalance and it needed to be rectified. She knew that she had to restore equality, regain some form of control.

And the idea came to her.

Thinking back to their last encounter at the party, she smiled. After a year apart, his previous denial of the depth of their attraction had been completely overturned and he had given in to his own desperate lust. Ambushing her in the corridor and spreadeagling her in the most insalubrious of surroundings, before burying his face between her legs until she had no choice but to succumb. Gushing her appreciation over his face as she acknowledged their mutual need with the word that had become synonymous with his victory.

Time constraints and his mental compartmentalisation that if he didn't actually penetrate her with his cock again, it wasn't technically infidelity had seen him debase her as some kind of wank fodder. Thick, hot, sticky semen spurting over her belly and breasts. And then the ultimate indignity as he reclothed her over the top of it. She had had to remain at the party for hours afterwards conscious of his fluids causing her dress to adhere to any proximate flesh as she moved. And watch him work the room as they ignored each other.

He was a bastard. But he was her bastard. And it was her turn to retaliate.

Choosing her toy with care, she let herself lie back on the bed and relax into the moment. Feeling her arousal as it grew, enveloping her in a warm glow of self-satisfied pleasure. She thought about the moment that he would have to relieve himself as a result of her next offensive and she smiled at the effect such an image had on her nether regions.

Her excitement growing, she tweaked the dial on the vibrator jammed against her clit, ramping up the power and consequentially increasing the volume of liquid squelching between her legs.

At the optimum moment, she dialled the number again and heard his voice:

"This is Staff Sergeant Tom Caldicott. I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you"

Her normally clipped British tones whispered huskily and carefully into the receiver. Staccato words that slurred together towards the end as the energy feeding her orgasm took the power from her vocal chords and into her cunt.

'Hello... I... can't... stop... thinking... about... you... and... thisiswhathappens...'

She knew that he would insist on a rather more detailed description of the scenario and so she tried again.

'Tulip... clit... fingers... arse... cunt'

As the ability to communicate verbally began to fail, she turned and positioned the phone on the pillow in front of her, then knelt and spread her thighs as wide as possible. Whilst the tulip vibrated her swollen clit, taking her closer and closer to the edge, she reached behind her to lubricate her ring finger with her own juices and delicately inserted it into the pert rosebud of her bottom, before penetrating her pussy with the two digits above it. Then vigorously probed both holes simultaneously.

Within seconds, she was overwhelmed and the call degenerated into the buzzing of the motor and her uncontrollable moans as the climax began.

The time allowed for the answerphone message expired and the click terminated the connection milliseconds after she had whispered the word that signified her orgasm.

'...Chief...'

From her vacation 3,000 miles away, she knew what effect it was going to have and that retribution would follow swiftly upon her return.

Mute Monday: Classic

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Pleasurists #36

by Massimo Innocenti

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #35? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #37? Submit it here before Sunday July 12th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Birthday Giveaway! Deadline: Monday July 13th at noon Pacific Time.


• Hello Kitty Vibe photo contest Deadline: September 1, 2009.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Striptease Kit by Kara Sutra

Vibrators

• Studded Tongue Twister by The Duchess


• AcuVibe Mini by Beautiful Dreamer


• Lovemoiselle Cecile by CarrieAnn


• LELO Iris by Thursday’s Child


• Remote Vibrating Thong by The Duchess


• Fun Factory Gallant by CarrieAnn


• AcuVibe Mini by Miss Mia


• Hello Kitty Vibe by Athena Bradford


• Orion Bottle Rocket by Dangerous Lilly


• LELO Iris by Essin’ Em


• Earth Angel by Carnivalesq


• LELO Gigi and Iris by HavingMyCake


• Slicone Intimate Diver by Adriana


• Lovemoiselle Cecile by Exploring Intimacy

Dildos

• Randy by Sinclair Sexsmith


• Lovemoiselle Noemie by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew


• Savanna’s Spiral Wrapped G-spot Wonder by Amorous Rocker


• Glo Smooth by Baby Sinead

Anal Toys

• Tantus Ryder by Sexorcism


• Tantus A-Bomb by Scott


• Romp by Epiphora


• Alumina Pace by Epiphora

Toys for Cocks

• Tenga Deep Throat Cup by Baby Sinead


• Zeus Vibrating Cockring by True Pleasures


• Hannah Harper Authentic Love Doll by Red

BDSM/Fetish

• 36 Inch Spreader Bar by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr


• Sport Cuffs by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew


• Rubber Ball Gag by Domina Doll

Adult Books/Games

• Opening Up by Essin’ Em

Adult Movies/Porn

• Fuck Me in the Bathroom #3 by Beautiful Dreamer


• Sugar High Glitter City by Nadia West


• The Art of Sex by J.D. Bauchery


• Rivals Volume 2 by The Porn Librarian


• Peters by FrzKey


• Not Bewitched XXX by J.D. Bauchery


• In Praise of Indecency by The Porn Librarian


• Butch Boi Lansing Raw by J.D. Bauchery


• Afrodite Superstar by Thursday’s Child


• Nina Hartley Private Sessions #11 by Lady Wolfdreams

Lingerie

• Cocktail Party Collar and Cuffs by Red

Storage

• Just in Case Condom Compact II by Wilhelmina Wang


• For Your Nymphomation Bigfoot Case by Red

Sex Furniture

• Liberator Fascinator Throe – Microfiber by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr


• Liberator Wedge & Ramp Combo by Sarah Estrella


• Liberator Black Label Scoop by Thursday’s Child


• Liberator Black Label Wedge/Ramp Combo by Dangerous Lilly


• Sexercise Me System by Red

Miscellaneous

• La Femme by Sleeping Dreamer

Culinary Throwdown Challenge - Recession/Budget Meal

In response to the Troll's CULINARY THROWDOWN CHALLENGE, I submit another offering from Ruf, my Vegan culinary expert:


Basil-Laced Tofu Pasta

Onion

Garlic

Basil-laced tofu (available from most good health food stores)

Mushrooms

Vine Tomatoes

Tomato Puree

Bag of spinach



Fry some onion and garlic in a pan

Add the mushrooms.

Dice the tofu into cubes and place in the mixture

Chop up some vine tomatoes and throw them into the pan

Stir in a big dollop of tomato puree

Pour in a little water, followed by a whole bag of washed spinach

Boil some rigatoni pasta tubes in a separate saucepan until al dente and then mix into the other ingredients.


Leave to stand in the pan whilst you give your female at least seven orgasms and then reheat two platefuls in the microwave. This allows the tomato and basil flavour to really permeate the pasta, as well as earning you lots of Brownie points for satisfying two of her most basic needs.

UnderRated: Milk Thistle for Cystitis and Skin Disorders

I'm a great fan of herbal and homeopathic remedies and have had much cause to be grateful to them over the years when the synthetic drugs described by various doctors have proved to be of limited value.

I started to be affected by cystitis on a regular basis when I began wanking. If you remember, this was an activity which I had denied myself until I entered my fourth decade on this planet.

Unfortunately, the effect of my imbalanced hormones due to my entering the peri-menopausal state meant that testosterone was in charge and I couldn't control all these rampant feelings. I had to pleasure myself every day just to keep on top of all the lust that seemed to be bubbling up inside me. Suddenly I could empathise with the way that men are often believed to think only with their dicks. Here I was doing exactly the same thing. Housework be damned, I needed to scratch my itch!

The downside was that the malady often known as the 'Honeymoon Sickness' came to haunt me with a vengeance. I could drink gallons of cranberry juice plus those special drinks you get from the chemist and it would only control it. Never actually cause it to be totally gone. Sometimes, I could feel the bacteria moving up into my kidneys and a course of antibiotics would be the only solution and give me a nice dose of thrush and another trip to the chemist for Canesten.

When I began my relationship with Ruf, things went from bad to worse. Repeated shaftings several times a day over a period of a long weekend would leave me sore and pissing blood.

Researching on the internet, I found a natural remedy in the form of bicarbonate of soda and drank several pints of the stuff during and after my weekends with Ruf. With a hot water bottle, some paracetamol and my glass of 'soda', I would recuperate between fucking on the couch until I was ready to participate once more. Again, this 'cure' controlled things but it was always lurking in the wings and if I drank too much alcohol (especially champagne) I would suffer the consequences from this irritant too.

I put up with this state of affairs for a couple of years and then, quite by chance, I discovered Milk Thistle Complex with Boldo. The vicissitudes of my family life had caused me to reach such a stressful mental state that my skin began to erupt in the lesions of psoriasis. I was devastated. The doctor could only prescribe steroid creams which controlled it but didn't eradicate any new patches. I had to find something that would pre-empt those eruptions.

The trusty internet was, once more, my friend and I found Milk Thistle.

"A member of the sunflower family, its black seeds are harvested for medicinal use. The active ingredient within these seeds is called silymarin, which is where the therapeutic benefits lie.

One of the main benefits is its antioxidant ability, which is more potent than most vitamins. Antioxidants are able to remove toxic chemicals called free radicals from the body. These free radicals cause cell damage which is the root of disease and premature aging.

Perhaps the most important milk thistle benefits are its effects on the liver. The liver is one of the most important organs in the body, breaking down nutrients and cleaning the body out. Milk thistle detoxifies the liver as well as protects it against damage from toxins, alcohol and other negative effects.

Milk thistle benefits the liver in other ways as well: it promotes regeneration and repair of liver cells, reverses liver damage and is very helpful in the treatment of hepatitis and cirrhosis.

Some milk thistle clinical trials show that milk thistle benefits may include reducing inflammation, decreasing excessive skin cell growth and helping treat endometriosis.

There are very few known side effects of milk thistle so you probably don't have to worry about milk thistle dangers if you take recommended dosages.

There have been reports of upset stomach and slight laxative effects. If you have liver disease you should take added precaution. Milk thistle and most other herbs are not recommended for pregnant or nursing mothers.

As with all health supplements, make sure you consult a physician or qualified medical professional before taking any milk thistle supplements."

http://www.herbal-supplements-guide.com/milk-thistle-benefits.html

Purely by chance, the first manufacterer that I researched was Bioforce, from whom I also obtain Echinacea (review to follow) and it transpired that their product was a complex containing the tinctures of: fresh Cynara scolymus* (Artichoke) leaves 46%, Silybum marianun (Milk Thistle) dried fruit 32%, fresh Taraxacum officinalis* (Dandelion) herb and root 12%, Peumus boldus (Boldo) dried leaf 7% and fresh Mentha piperita* (Peppermint) leaves 3%.

Naturally, I checked out all the ingredients and discovered that Boldo, a South American herb, was also used to treat urinary tract infections. (Never take the essential oil internally as it is highly toxic!)

Within a fortnight of beginning to take a couple of these pills each day, my existing psoriasis had begun to clear up and no new patches had appeared but, even better, I visited Ruf and, despite being given a severe test over several days, my bladder seemed not to be affected in the same way.

HNT: In Search of... my Clitoris

Armed with a head torch and a hand mirror, and as resolute as an intrepid explorer on the trail of the Eighth Wonder of the World, Ruf assumed the position between my legs.

Having spent the past ten minutes studiously engaged in trimming any hair that could possibly obscure my view, I had become quite comfortable with him down there and the moistness resulting from his tender attentions was very pleasant.

I took control of the hand mirror and, angling it so as to get the best reflection, I surveyed the image before me. The neatly trimmed lines of soft brown hair framing the meeting place of the two labia majora and the glimpse of crinkled pink skin as the labia minora tried to peep out here and there.

Widening my legs to get access to the whole area revealed the entirety of the soft skin that curls inside the protective covering of the outer lips and marks the entrance to the vagina. My cunt is like a couple of 'A's stacked on top of each other and then completed by the V which marks where my perineum becomes my anus. The whole area all jumbled folds and fronds of delicate pink skin, hiding a myriad of nooks and crannies.

Above the labia minora is another upturned V of curly skin, which I always assumed was part of my clitoris and, yes, this is partially correct. But it is actually the hood that protects the wee beasty beneath. Positioning his head so that the flashlight focussed upon the area in question, Ruf placed two fingers on either side of the ridge of flesh and pushed it upwards.

"And there it is!" He reminded me of a conjurer going "Ta-dah!" at the end of a particularly successful trick and, giggling, my eyes followed his pointing finger.

Framed by the pushed-back skin of its hood was the tiniest little shiny pearl of palest pink. Glinting up at me for approval. Licking his finger, Ruf rubbed my new-found button, just to confirm his assertion. The resulting shiver that made its way to the nerves in my brain and then proceeded down my left shin, before returning to its original source seemed to qualify the statement.

Some time later, with my hair dishevelled and the marks of Ruf's passion still clearly visible upon my back and bottom, I stood on the bed and surveyed Jackie Adshead's portrait.

I couldn't help but contemplate my good fortune at finally being able to pinpoint the exact location of this sweetest of spots.

Nirvana.

Hidden in the up-turned V above the fronds and, to be honest, still a little too sensitive from under use to be fully appreciated.

Let us hope that practice will make perfect... but I suspect that a lot of lube will be an invaluable asset.

In Search of.... my Clitoris

It's confession time!

I thought I knew where it was.

Was sure I had my finger on the button, so to speak.

But it transpires that I was wrong.

Yes, I can place my tulip and other various stimulators on the general area and achieve the desired effect. But I wasn't aware that I was doing this through the clitoral hood and not actually touching the clitoris itself.

Through Ruf's experimentation with the best way to make me gush and squirt, he has spent a lot of time down there and, now that I have seen Jackie Adshead's painting of my Queynte, I am a lot more familiar with the area.

Samantha from Sex and the City advised Charlotte to use a hand mirror to examine herself and become acquainted with her own bits. Occasionally, I have done this but, the truth is, I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for. And my Cuntphobia made looking at my girlie bits something of a trial. It was like carcrash tv, through half-closed eyes. Again, seeing Jackie's paintings has made me realise how very different every woman is in that area and that my own cunt is just as beautiful as the nipped and tucked varieties belonging to any porn star.

It transpires that my clitoris is a very tiny circular bud hidden in the depths beneath a very effective protective hood. I always know when he is touching it directly, because it is a sensation that is almost unbearable. Exquisitely balanced on a very fine line between pain and pleasure.

On this particular afternoon, he had been stimulating my erogenous areas for some time and I was very aroused, but also extremely calm and relaxed. With the benefit of experience, he now always pays particular attention to my urethra and then slides back the hood to find the bud. It is a sensation quite unlike that which I recognise from finding the best spot with my stimulators when I masturbate.

Having been penetrated frequently over the previous few hours, I wasn't in such a rush to get to my favourite part. So, curious as to what he was doing to produce this familiar state of almost painful arousal, I asked him to describe his modus operandi. Carefully, he touched the urethra and explained what movements produced various different sensations. Then he moved up on to my clitoris.

The sudden realisation that my technique when I had frigged myself in the past had been sub-optimal was rather embarrassing. Sure, I've always had a nice time with my own fingers and with my toys but it became apparent that I have always left the hood in place.

Using one hand to liberate the button, his other took mine and guided my fingers onto the point in question.

The tiny round raised nub of my elusive clitoris. A body part with which only Ruf had ever managed to make contact previously.

It was a seminal moment.

And not one that I am certain I can actually recreate solo without a great deal of experimentation.

I was reminded of the Victorian explorers in search of some often talked about wonder of the world...

... and then I stopped thinking and just felt...