Sunday, 5 August 2007

Bear

Bear saved me when I thought I was going to die. He pulled me back from the brink of starvation and made me eat. Talking to me, staying with me until I had eaten some soup. Every day for a week, he dragged me back to reality. But I still wanted someone else. I was distraught, desperate and demented. The Catalyst had made it clear that it was over. We could only ever be good friends. There would be no more stories, no more filthy texts and no more listening to each other masturbate.

Bear was my training partner. He noticed my slender frame become skeletal. He saw the sadness in my eyes. Over the months, even though he was over a decade younger than me, he had grown to care about me and my fabulous arse.

It was Christmas and there were parties. We all went out to a nightclub in town, downing brandy as if it was going out of fashion. I was aware of his presence close by me all night. Conscious of the pressure of his knee against mine as we sat on stools together chatting. I could feel the lust rising in me. This was a young, healthy man and he quite clearly wanted me. Wanted to touch me physically. I didn't stop to think about the alcohol we had consumed and be sensible.

He carried me on his shoulders for a mile from the Club to a burger bar where a whole crowd of us stopped for something disgustingly greasy, most of which I threw away in a bin a few streets from the shop as we walked back to a friend's house. Bear and I were some way ahead of the group and, suddenly, he dragged me into a small square just off the main road and tried to kiss me. I took fright and pushed him away but I let him hold my hand as we continued the journey. The others caught up with us and overtook and we started to lag behind. My mind was working overtime. This man wanted to kiss me. I had been starved of that manifestation of physical intimacy for so long. What was so wrong? It would just be a kiss. Just a kiss. Just a kiss.

I found myself dragging him into the next alley. Forcing him against the fence and raising my face up to his. He looked down at me questioningly and then he swooped. His lips met mine and my mind went into meltdown. Suppose I was doing it wrong? I hadn't been kissed for so long, I hardly knew what to do. So I let him take the lead and responded. It was wonderful. His lips were so soft, his tongue searched my mouth so delicately, filling me with desire for him. He broke away and took my hand to lead me deeper into the alley.

Pressing me into the fence, his kisses became more passionate. His hands were on my breasts under my jacket and through my little top. The nipples pert and hardening, responding to his interest. It was December. It must have been cold but I don't remember as he moved his hand under the thin layer of fabric and pulled down the lacy enclosures to find my skin. Goosebumps of excitement erupted under his fingers as I pressed my breasts into his hands.

My own fingers running all over his body under the silk of his shirt. I could feel the softness of the hair that covered his chest and shoulders and back. I had seen him half-naked as he trained in the gym so many times. He wasn't self-conscious about his hairy pelt whereas, in another life, I would have been disgusted and revolted by it. But in the here and now, this was my beautiful Bear. The man who had been so kind to me, listened to me drone on and on about MrUD and tried to reason out his behaviour, whilst waiting for me to take the next mouthful of food. His strong arms were now saving me yet again, showing me that I was still attractive, not the discarded reject I imagined. I pulled my hand around to the front and felt him, throbbing and hard against my palm. He wanted me. He wanted me... but I was too shy, too insecure to investigate further.

His hands were at my hips, undoing the belt and the fastenings and probing, finding my little button as I squealed with pleasure. His fingers searched and located and penetrated me. Without the belt, my trousers slid down my too-thin frame to permit his entry into the moist well awaiting him. It was blissful. Instinctively, my arms reached out along the top of the fence just above me and I clung on and lifted myself off the ground; suspended there, knees apart with his fingers inside me, probing and curling, dragging me towards the climax that was rising inside. I looked up at the cold, clear, sky above me and I could hear this sound. A low keening, rising to a shrill bark. Like a vixen in heat, howling at the full moon. Lights were going on in the nearest house and I realised that that sound was me, straining to reach the stars at the behest of his insistent fingers.

Gasping and panting and sobbing with excitement, he helped me get my feet back onto the floor, just as both our phones started to vibrate. Our friends had noticed our absence and were trying to locate us. He kissed me tenderly and rearranged my clothes. Taking my hand, he led me back to the road and we continued our journey, whispering softly.

Yes, he had always been able to make women come like that. His wife often had to stop him because she got dehydrated from coming so hard for so long. And, yes, I had been normal and had kissed him ok. I could feel the slickness in my thong as my excitement and come soaked out of me into the fabric, thick and sticky. I could smell myself on his hands as he made me a cup of coffee when we arrived back with our friends. He explained to them that the burger had made me sick and he had stayed with me until I was well enough to return to the house.

The following day he called me - as I knew he would. We both agreed that this was a one-off. He was married and neither of us wanted to repeat what I had just been through with MrUD. He has remained one of my closest friends. We may not talk very often but he knows that I love him and not just out of gratitude for what he did for me.

He showed me that I was still desirable, still capable of eliciting passion within someone much younger. He actively demonstrated that what I had feared was untrue. I was able to have the most amazing orgasm at the hands of a real man. I wasn't going to have to spend the rest of my life reliant on plastic penises in the sterility of my own bathroom. He proved that I didn't need to starve myself anymore and I will be eternally grateful for that.

It still took several months to get myself back into shape mentally and regain the desire to eat but, in the ensuing three years, my inner demons have been virtually silenced. I know they are still there in the background, lurking, waiting to strike but I have achieved a sensible weight and I eat well. I have learned to look in the mirror and see the beautiful woman that I am. My relationship with Ruf has of course been instrumental in all of this but Bear was the man who pulled me back from the edge of the abyss and placed my feet firmly onto the right path.

I will never forget him x

21 comments:

Pixie said...

GOD woman you can write! I was on the edge of my seat there....
and it's great that you have him as a mate. and more importantly that you love yourself now.
hugs
pxx

Mustafa Şenalp said...

çok güzel bir site.

Gypsy said...

I found you through Anonymous Boxer and you are an awesome writer. We all need to feel desirable especially as time moves on and we feel our youth slipping away. Looking forward to reading more. I really enjoyed this post because it resonated with me in so many ways.

la fille mariée said...

Wow... he sounds absolutely wonderful.

George said...

Beautiful story ... I am so glad you recovered both mentally and physically

Walker said...

Exellent writing.
You raised the temperature here a couple of notches.

It only takes one act to undue the damage another has done.

Lady in red said...

a beautiful piece of writing by a beautiful person.

we all need our own Bear in our lives not all of us have one though.

I am so glad that you are in recovery :-)

Sulpicia said...

So many sighs you've brought out with this post. Such people are gifts. And your writing is fucking fantastic.

Fusion said...

wow, everyones said it all, he was indeed a gift to you.

having my cake said...

Thank you to everyone for your kind words.

Im not sure I fully appreciated just what an impact he would have on my life at the time and yes, Sulpicia and Fusion, I think you're right. He was a gift :)

My Girlfriend is hot said...

I loved the story and the way it was written clearly by someone very talented.

I am glad u got over what was keeping u down. Hopefully you're demons stay where they are; lerking till one day they give and run away.

Thx for sharing

having my cake said...

hot - Thank you. I did go over and have a look at your blog. Your gf is very pretty but I can never stay on there long enough to comment with all the naked pics and me having teenagers running around... as you will see from what happened in my next post!

Isabella Snow said...

Whoa! Whadda man!

Mr. & Mrs SW said...

A very beautiful story. Commentors above have said it best. Bear is a wonderful person and those who have such a person in their life are truly blessed. Keep those post coming. I look for you each day.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Everyone else has said it, but you do write wonderfully. I'm so glad you had the gift of him to end up where you now are, BG x

Angela-la-la said...

Top writing, mate. He's a good man, ol' grizzly ;)

having my cake said...

Thanks everyone. Im tempted to send him a copy of this piece plus all the comments - what do you think, guys?

bittersweet me said...

Thank goodness for Bear. i'm so pleased he was there for you.

beautifully written

Amy said...

This post made me smile so big. What a wonderful man and a wonderful friend. And what a great writer you are!

Devilbluedress said...

Sometimes you run into the most amazing people at the most amazing times. Loved the story.

having my cake said...

me, amy and devil - thank you so much for the nice compliment.

I sent a copy of this to Bear. He thought it was sweet :)