Sunday, 9 September 2007

Mars and Venus

Men and women are so different. They react and deal in such a completely opposite way.

He thinks that by objectifying it, making it a thing, it will go away without touching him. She reacts by humanising it, making it into our baby, something that is loved but cannot be attained, in the hope that it will be easier to do what has to be done.

He believes that because he said he loved her yesterday, he doesn't need to say it again today. She fears that because he has not said it again today, it must no longer be the case.

He is convinced that, although he thinks about her all the time, it isn't cool to text her unless he has something specific to say. She works on the basis that knowing someone is thinking about her all the time is deeply sexy and self-affirming so she tries to send him things so that he knows that she is and he will feel like the wonderful man she thinks him to be.

He decides that a relationship that is different to the ones before, evincing feelings that are considerably stronger but not what he would expect, makes this one less permanent, a fantasy, despite the fact that the others ran their course and ended badly. She considers that having feelings that are this intense over such a long period means that this relationship must be meant to last.

He presumes that if he doesn't commit to her, he can remain detached, even when it is blatantly obvious that his world will be missing something major without her. She concludes that if he won't commit to her, she cannot maintain her self-respect and stay, even when it is patently clear that that is all she wants to do.

But when they lie next to each other in their bed, where everything is safe and warm and their minds start to switch off and lose control, their naked bodies take over and make everything right. There is no question that they love each other and want to be together. Is it any wonder that bed is the place they want to spend the most time? Away from the harshness of reality and judgement calls.

If only they didn't have to use their minds and think.


Lady in red said...

I think you have hit the nail on the head. I know you are talking about you and Ruff but you just made me realise why Forest behaves the way he does.

thank you

Anonymous said...

You both need to be extra patient now, with yourselves and with each other.

Wild Cat said...

Wow, how right you are. I (we) behave in exactly the same way.


n said...

I agree with la fille mariee, time is what is needed. Time for you to recover. Hope you are ok. xN

Fat Controller said...

This is just so true and so concisely expressed. Would you mind if I printed it out and hung it up somewhere as a constant reminder?

Anonymous said...

your so right x

Isabella Snow said...

Very well said. I especially love this one:

He believes that because he said he loved her yesterday, he doesn't need to say it again today. She fears that because he has not said it again today, it must no longer be the case.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Women think, men don't. That's the main difference.

Gypsy said...

It is the little things that count the most. Like you mentioned, just sending a text lets you know for that moment in time they were thinking about you. The message doesn't even have to be relevant, because the message is the fact that you were in his thoughts. Why don't they get how important that is?

I think we women have to accept that men don't think the same way we do and the sooner we can do that the better. It would eliminate a lot of unnecessary angst.

I hope everything is ok between you and Ruf and this is just one of those moments of uncertainty that grip us all from time to time.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Amen, Cake.

Curvaceous Dee said...

It's weird, you know. Most men I know are exactly like that ... but neither Apollo not Adonis are like that at all - if anything, they like the positive reinforcement even more than I do.

*hugs* Still thinking of you.

xx Dee

Angela-la-la said...

Bloody martians. Grr.


Loving Annie said...

Oh Cake, you said it so perfectly.... sigh... How can two people have such different ways of thinking ? god's cosmic joke...

Thought I could stop posting, but I can't... Hormones got the best of me, I'm afraid... Somehow, I didn't thinnk you'd mind... :)

having my cake said...

It was a conversation with another friend about the vagaries of men that made me start to realise that so many of these discrepancies were common to most men. It's not that it's a fault on their part, more a problem for us because of the difference in our own expectations and interpretations. Once we can start to understand where a man is coming from, it's so much easier to deal with because the woman doesn't feel rejected.

Everyone over to Dee's to kidnap Adonis and Apollo :)

Thank you to everyone for all your good wishes over the last couple of weeks. Feeling much better now. There is still some stuff to work through but hopefully it's all going to be a bit easier for a little while x