Friday, 14 September 2007


The first time I heard this record, it was being sung to Judy by its creator. He was on one knee in front of her whilst Richard looked on lovingly. She appeared to be completely mortified in that strange, gauche way she has and I can remember cringing with embarrassment for her because it was just sooooo twee.

From then on, it was never a song that I particularly enjoyed, partly because of the memory of that first rendition and partly because of the saccharine-coated sugaryness of the sentiments expressed therein.

However, a few weeks ago, when I made the return drive from my visit to Ruf with the vague suspicion that I just might be pregnant and the concern about the impact that revelation might have on our relationship, the song came on the radio.

There, in the middle of a traffic jam, I heard these words and they hit and connected with the feelings in my heart so overwhelmingly that I just couldn't help it.

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

I felt the catch at the back of my throat, the hot sting of the tears prickling my eyes, tried to fight it but then the coup de grace:

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

and it all overflowed as I burst into floods of tears, much to the consternation of the lorry driver in the very narrow lane beside me.

Yes, I know my hormones were in overdrive but, honestly. How pathetic! Reduced to a snivelling wreck by a few silly words.

Wiping my eyes angrily on the back of my hand, my tshirt and finally having to resort to a handful of tissues, I tried to contain the tsunami. Searching frantically for my sunglasses and desperately trying to avoid the solicitous gaze of my neighbour, I slapped at the radio button to switch it off, but the words were already in my head, looping a repetitious circle of blubbering, self-destructive emotion.

60 miles down the road, it took a large portion of chips and tomato sauce, stuffed into my mouth inelegantly as I continued to drive, to eventually put paid to the trigger in my mind but now, nearly three weeks on, the song still reverberates through me.

Nearly three weeks on? Gosh, how quickly the time passes and heals because now it is different. I am no longer pregnant, although I'm still trying to deal with the diminishing hormones, but I just find those words and, indeed, the rest of the song so evocative in their expression of hope in the face of confusion, that they actually make me smile as I look to the future.

So, I think I need to say 'Thank you Daniel Bedingfield'.

Night Ruf x


George said...

Be positive and don't stop smiling Cake

Lady in red said...

I heard that song on my radio earlier while I was drafting an email to Forest telling him what I want. I hadn't heard the song for ages. I have loved it since the first time I heard it. But then I love all his songs.

time is a healer you will gradually get back to your normal self

Juno said...

Man, i frickin' LOVE that song. It ALWAYS makes me well up. The depth of feeling, the passion behind the lyrics... mmm.

Chips, tsunami and forest-worth of tissues notwithstanding, i would submit (hee! 'scuse I.) that you were overpowered by the elements and any other outcome was highly unlikely.

(Just trying to raise a smile, pet. Kisses.)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Hank Williams said "you gotta live it before you can write it". Glad it makes you smile now.

DJ Kirkby said...

Ooof, what a moving post! BTW went to vote for your blog and the link doesn't take me anywhere so I couldn't vote for you.

n said...

Totally agree. That song kills me, even though i have always felt slightly embarrassed about that. If i heard it now i think it would tip me over the edge. Puts all my insecurities into a song and makes me feel lonely, very, very lonely.

having my cake said...

george - i will never stop smiling. That is a huge part of who I am, trying to see the funny side.

LiR - it's Fate!

Juno - exactly! Overpowered by the elements and sometimes it's good to cry, preferably not so publicly tho. That poor man, what must he have thought :)

GB - i think Im learning that now. It's all very well trying to imagine how you would deal with certain situations, but without actually facing them in reality, you cannot truly understand. Maybe I should start writing a C&W song...

DJK - Thank you for trying. I have spoken to the bloginterview people and am awaiting a response. Other people's have also disappeared. I know that they reset the vote count every month... In the meantime Angela-la/Fussy Bitch, Benefitscroungingscum and Vi are all in need of our support.

n - chin up and count those blessings remember x