Monday, 3 December 2007

The Friend

Some guys are just the bestest friends. They are there for you when the shit hits the fan, when your Husband is being difficult, when the kids are acting up, when your martial arts journey hits a dead end. Always ready in a crisis with a kind word and a motivational peptalk.

The Friend is one such man.

I first came across him on a forum where I was enthralled by his writing style - some might call it ranting, but to me it was erudite and eloquent, with an amazing wit driving the message home.

It transpired that he trained at a dojo not too far from me and, when I became dissatisfied with my teachers of that time, I pitched up to get a taste of what his instructors had to offer. We became very firm friends and, although he left the dojo to continue his martial arts journey on another path, we continued to see each other on the seminar circuit once or twice a year and exchanged catch-up emails every so often. I was incredibly pleased and flattered that he made a 300 mile roundtrip from his home to the venue where I took my black belt, just to watch me finally make the grade and then write me a wonderful valedictory speech on the forum we both frequented

Some people might have wondered at the nature of our friendship, but the one thing about him that remained constant was his enduring love for his wife which permeated every conversation. I was, therefore, very bemused and upset to receive an email from her saying that they had become estranged and could I keep an eye on him for her. It put me in a very difficult situation because it became apparent that there was trouble in paradise and all was not well with their relationship. I continued to try to reassure her, without giving away anything that he was telling me. I really did feel like piggy in the middle but I tried not to pass on anything that was revealed to me by either side and to remain impartial over any disputes.

One day she asked me if I thought there was anyone else. I assured her that at no time had he mentioned any other women and that he was focussed on improving his education and retaining his employment in difficult circumstances. It was then that it occurred to me that her suspicions might actually extend to me and this was later confirmed by my friend. Apparently she was always making comments about my presence 'in his life' in that we had similar interests and attitudes to things.

He told me that he would have loved for her to ask outright whether we had ever been intimate because it would have given him the opportunity to make this reply:

'The only time we were ever 'intimate' was when we were rolling around on the floor at a seminar in front of about 30 people. She got on top of me, dropped an elbow in and broke my rib... and I rather felt that meant that a shag was out of the question...'

I really hope they can work things out.


Loving Annie said...

Sounds like a difficult situation Cake...

I hope that they can work it out, but....

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

oooooooo, not nice being piggy in the middle. I hope she doesn't get too jealous of your friendship and starts making accusations.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Very tricky one. I hope they sort things out and you don't get dragged in to it. BG x

having my cake said...

But guys, the stupid thing is that he and I have never had anything sexual between us! And how she can even think that there is when I honestly only see him twice a year with the occasional email/text! It's quite bizarre. Still, she never made the accusation directly to me and I havent heard from her recently so hopefully that theory has died a death.

He just made me laugh when he described our 'intimacy'. And I would like to point out that I didn't deliberately break his rib. It was damaged before and I just finished it off... honest!

Guilty Secret said...

I hope they work it out too. They sound like caring people.

Menopauseprincess said...

Cake, it's possible to have emotional affairs that never have any physical basis but can be just as devastating.

Possibly that's what the wife is feeling, there's a part or parts of him she doesn't get to share with him and you do.

I hope they can work it out too...I don't think she would have seen the humor in his planned response at all!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I know what you mean Cake, but I think it's one of those situations where it doesn't matter that there's never been a sexual relationship, 'cause actually it's the other persons insecurity and paranoia fuelling suspicion, rather than anything you or their partner might've done wrong. Or that's my experience anyway.
Hopefully if he can give her what she needs it'll be ok, perhaps she's just projecting on to you? Or something like that. I'll shut up now. BG x