Saturday, 11 October 2008

Essex Girl

I have often described myself as an Essex Girl. But, when Lazy Phil posted this link from the Urban Dictionary I started to wonder if that was actually a very good idea. I mean who wants a soubriquet that gets these listings as a definition:

blonde, dumb, easy, sleeps around, drunk every night, is known for being a slut, stupid, cheap, hair tight to head etc

Errr... no!

A (young) woman from the England county of Essex. In popular mythology an Essex girl is supposedly stupid and obsessed with sex.

Errr... not that either!

a "common" (or very common) girl, not very bright, both overdressed (in cheap jewellery and tacky fashion) and underdressed (displaying her assets), always materialistic (loves shopping), likes drinking heavily (alcopops will do), and fucks indiscriminately and like a bunny, preferably with guys with a bit of money and claahhhss, but after a few drinks ... well, has to ask her best mate "Who WAS that guy I was with last night, 'Chelle?"

Well, I do enjoy shopping occasionally...

some of the most beautiful girls in the world come from essex

essex girl: "I think i've got concussion."
paramedic: "How many fingers have i got up?"
essex girl: "oh! don't say i'm paralysed too."

Now that one did make me laugh!

. Another name for a rudegirl or chavette. Orange face. Gold hoops. Burberry bag. Tracksuit. Men's hoodie. You get the idea.

Nope, none of the above

cheap, easy, loud and dumb

Well, that's up to my Reader to decide.

Personally I think I'm more of a PEG - a Posh Essex Girl. And, no, not one of the Essex Wives.

Apart from a couple of fumbling teenage moments, I have had one boyfriend who took my virginity, one husband, a virtual fling, two minor transgressions and one lover in the 29 years since I was 18 - and none was with a Diamond Geezer (although our paths have occasionally crossed). My face is resolutely white. I have nothing in Burberry and a man's hoodie would trip me up.

Just as I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of penises with which I have been in contact, the same applies to my sessions with either a manicurist or pedicurist. I have never been near a Botox party or considered having my lips plumped up with collagen. My wrinkles and my body are all my own and I intend to grow old disgracefully without resorting to surgeons and artificial injections.

Yes, I do have a potty mouth which takes people totally by surprise - not because I swear a lot but through my ability to inject smut into almost any subject matter.

I must also confess to having, at one point, been the owner of a pair of white stilettos and also to pronouncing girl as gel with a hard 'g' but are either of those really enough to convict me?

So, why did I describe myself as an Essex girl in the first place? Because I live there and I dye bits of my hair blonde... and people automatically seem to make the assumption that the two things equate.

Yes, I think I prefer to be a PEG and was about to write a post accordingly... but then the Lazy Philosopher sent me to this.

Perhaps if I really must have a label, I should stick with 'Life Blogger'...


Jennybean said...

who needs lables? just be you!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Only 5 men have gotten into your pants??? For a woman as horny as you that's practically virginity. You are a very good girl, Mrs Cake!

Hu said...

Jennybean beat me to it, must you really have a lable? :)

Lady in red said...

Whenever I hear anyone making jokes about Essex girls I have tendency to take the wind out of their sails by announcing that I am an Essex girl ie I was born in Essex both my parents grew up there, I may not have lived there for long but I remember many holidays there with grandparents.

I too had a pair of white stilettos many years ago, I am rather fond of sex but as for the rest of it nooooooooo way. The description of 'Essex girls' fits young girls in many other places too.

just checked out the link for PEG I think you had best stick to being our favourite cake

Ro said...

I'd avoid trying to label yourself - if my experience of life is anything to go by, you'll find plenty of others who'll be quite keen to do it for you ... and usually inaccurately.

As for Posh Essex Girl, I'm grateful for the education! I had a friend who described herself as that, to which one of her friends replied: "which means she gets plastered on cheap champagne and only screws in the back of BMWs and Mercs".

Kevin Musgrove said...

It's a funny thing that Essex girl jokes are usually told by Londoners. I've not seen much of Essex but what I have seen has been considerably less twadry than the capital.

But then again, I'm a bog-thick provincial.

scarlet-blue said...

I love Essex. I lived in Southend/Basildon for almost 10yrs. People are some of the friendliest I've ever met. Great place.

Fat Controller said...

I see it as a tongue-in cheek term of endearment. I was brought up on the Herts-Essex border and love this beautiful part of the world. My sister was born just over the border in Essex and sometimes refers to herself an Essex Girl, while being a barrister and a university lecturer. Wear your Essex-ness with pride!

having my cake said...

Jennybean/Hu - LOL, Snap!

Mr Bananas - That's me :)

LiR - High fives a fellow Essex chick x


Kevin - I was today involved in an Estuary-off with an ex-Chatham native. It was very amusing to hear how both of us could twist our normal accents...

Scarlet - I knew it! Loving that aero ad btw :)

FC I think North Essex is very beautiful but Im not sure that adjective could be ascribed to the rest of the county :P

Trixie said...

Hhhhmmmm... maybe I should move to Essex?

Jackie Adshead said...

You don't need a label - cos you know who you are - but taking the fun out of what you're "supposed" to be is amusing because you know you're so removed from it!

I like the joke about the Essex girl who had ten children, all called "Darren" and when asked if it wasn't confusing for her when she wanted to call one in from outside, she replied "Nah, I just call out their surname!" :)