Thursday, 5 March 2009

HNT : Foetal

There is something incredibly vulnerable about this picture.

Originally, I rejected it because the lighting and shadows seem to have highlighted every bone in my spine and made me look like a cross between some kind of X-Man, about to sprout wings from my back, a hunchback and a half-starved waif. However, when I examined it more dispassionately, I realised that there was more to it than first presents itself.

On the plus side, I love the curve of my hip and the fact that you can still just about make out the smudged residue of the mark that Ruf left on that soft white flesh three weeks before. I also adore the turqoise shade of the lingerie.

The negative is that I have clearly lost weight without meaning to. I thought I might have a problem when I put on a pair of trousers that fitted at Christmas and this time, there was a good inch gap between my stomach and the waistband. Perhaps it is just the effect of the lighting and the shadows that make my spine appear so prominent but it is still an issue which I may have to address. I have been really focussing on making sure that I do eat three proper meals per day but clearly this is not enough alongside my increased physical activity. Add in the stress-related hunching of my shoulders and you have what looks like the half-formed spine of a foetus.

If you know what to look for, you can also see the odd pink dot which is the remnants of the genetic psoriasis to which I had shown no predisposition for the last 46 years. Sadly, it seems that the stress has to come out somehow and, whilst I thought I was dealing pretty well mentally with life's slings and arrows, my body tells its own story. Fortunately, the herbal remedy of Milk Thistle seems to be helping to control the over-active T Cells which were attempting to destroy my epidermis.

And, of course, there is the placement of my body. Was it just by chance that I lay on Ruf's bed in the foetal position. Or could it be that my subconscious, having gone there to be healed, naturally assumed that stance in order to receive?

Lying in the calming haven of his embrace, an oasis into which I crawled to escape life's vicissitudes, he worked his magic. Talking quietly and gently, he gave me practical ways to deal with the frustrations.

It was after this weekend that I realised two things. Firstly, that no matter how far I think I've come, the destination is still a long way ahead. The second conclusion was that I couldn't keep expecting Ruf to put me back together again each time the problems in my real world pulled me apart and that I certainly couldn't expect him to keep loving someone who was so continually needy. It is up to me to change the habits and practices of a lifetime and set my house in order... but, thanks to his intervention, I now have the mindset and the tools to follow through and take the necessary course of action.

It isn't always going to be plain sailing but I can at least see light at the end of the long tunnel... and the possibility of a rebirth.



BenefitScroungingScum said...

If it's any consolation, your weight still looks healthy although I can tell you've lost some. Our bodies are ever so good at telling us there is a problem, our mind's less so at acknowledging it. Take care of yourself, love and hugs BG x

southerngirl said...

Beautiful undies there and yes please take care of you!

Amorous Rocker said...

Lovely undies and that picture just makes me want to hug you for some reason.

Happy HNT, you're beautiful.

Mike said...

You look so lovely wearing that sexy lingerie!
Wishing you a very HHNT

Southern Sage said...

extremely venerable.
Very sexy though.
Excellent pic.

Cate said...

It really is a beautiful picture. It's easy to imagine Ruf lying next to you with his arms wrapped around you.

The flaws are what make it so real and beautiful.

Cate xxx

Osbasso said...

Hang in there, hon. Just remember that the rough times are no fun without sharing them with us! There's enough of us out here that you can spread the wealth, as it were!

Vixen said...

I love the panty/bra set.

Take care *hugs*

marcellonyc said...

((((H)))) and sexiness


Riff Dog said...

Oh, I'm glad you didn't reject this one. Seriously, it's possibly my favorite of you. So sexy. You have an incredible body and I love the bra and panties.

But beyond that, there's a "Come lie next to me" appeal. I absolutely love it.

Kevin Musgrove said...

You're being over-critical: you're looking fine.

Just keep looking after yourself.

Ro said...

Well done for being able to take a step back and see the photograph with less emotive, conditioned eyes. I hope that the comments here will encourage you :)

Happy HNT!

Moosekahl said...

I like the pose...lovely! Happy HNT!

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

i think this is beautiful. you are beautiful


Amber said...

what a clear and beautiful line that photo presents

d2b said...

The clickie are so great good looking!

Happy belated HNT!!!