Friday, 6 March 2009

OverRated: XL Dongs

The first time I came across the concept of the UberPenis was on a trip to Pompeii.

We found this picture in one of the little houses and were told the story of how, in less enlightened times, it was covered by a board and only the men were allowed to view it.

After that, I became rather fascinated by the idea that not all men were equal. However, in my very small sphere of experiences, all the cocks have been pretty much the same size once erect. Yes, some might have been a little wider than others but lengthwise, they were all very similar. Naturally, Ruf's is my favourite because it has a slight curve which hits all the right spots providing me with a whole new layer to the intensity of my orgasms.

Watching Mark Wahlberg's prosthetically-enhanced performance as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, I came to realise that porn stars are not like ordinary men. They are chosen for the size of their endowment and the inventiveness of their screen name rather than their acting ability. Not having been much into porn, be it in magazines or on film, this was all new to me.

I've always been an action type of girl. Reading the sexual exploits in Harold Robbins and Jilly Cooper novels and seeing the pictures in my head as a result of the quality of the narrative is what gets me wet. Seeing a naked man oiled up in a magazine, no matter how big his truncheon, really doesn't do that much in terms of arousal... but, with the revelatory discovery of the pleasing capacity of my toothbrush, I did start to look for more visual means of stimulation on satellite television. Bravo provided me with some material. Normally interviews and bios on porn stars which would involve the sight of a man shafting one woman whilst fingering another two. Now that's what I call multi-tasking. Mind you, if ever there was any full frontal nudity, his bits were normally pixellated out.


It was Ruf who introduced me to online porn and some of the larger examples of manhood.

To be honest, those things terrify me. When I hear or read my blogger friends waxing lyrical about the joys of the Big Boy, I find myself inwardly quaking.

I'm so small and delicate and with a very fragile vaginal ecosystem that has enough trouble coping with the pounding I receive from a regular model without being ripped apart by something that is clearly some inches longer than the distance between my pubic bone and my belly button.

I read over at Svetlana's Sex Secrets that one in three women likes a big penis but I can't help thinking that the figure may be greater than that - although maybe it's just the company I keep.

No, for me, the extra large dong would be totally excessive. But that certainly doesn't mean that I don't want you to continue to regale me with your stories of how such a beast works for you.




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14 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

The man in the picture was the original Biggus Dickus. Do you think that larger, fleshier women tend to prefer the bigger dong, Mrs Cake?

Anonymous said...

I am a 20 y/o male who has found that you are 100% correct. I am not the biggest on the court but when I tap into a certain level of seduction, rather it be foreplay, secret twitching spots, or just plainly being able to last with never-ending stamina I find myself pleasing women 10 times more than some guy with 10 inches. Don't get me wrong, size does matter. 3 inches is not going to cut it. But even an average Joe with 6-7 inches can take women into those high reaching shrieks of pleasure by only watching and observing what gets the girl off. Most guys that I encounter nowadays are so excited that they get to have sex that they forget how to have sex. just stick it and squirt seems to be the universal treatment. This is a disgrace. If a woman can't get off with me, what’s the point? So even a man with particularly large endowment can be COMPLETELY lost in the bedroom. It takes much, much more than size, but a sheer passion in wanting your partner to feel utter pleasure...for about three hours.

having my cake said...

Mr Bananas! Im not sure that external proportions has any bearing on a woman's ability to enjoy the more well endowed models. It's more to do with internal dimensions and these can vary widely whilst bearing no relation to a woman's frame.

Mr Anonymous - I could kiss you. With that sort of attitude, there is much hope for women of my daughter's generation x

Fat Controller said...

I am very pleased to see you think this way! It bears out what H has always said. She once had a boyfriend who was HUGE and is not shy of telling me about it because she broke it off very quickly (the relationship, that is) as the sex was simply too uncomfortable. She's kind enough to say she's satisfied with plain old average me.

I concur with your anonymous correspondent. The actual orgasm is only the destination. What matters is how much fun both parties have on the journey.

(please excuse any minor flaws. I'm a little tipsy)

Carnalis said...

I agree totally - it is all about attitude and aptitude. A kink in a cock is *very* handy, mind.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Back in the seventies, a group of us decided we needed to do something about one of our friends who had been without a boyfriend for a while and had started twitching violently. So we clubbed together to buy her a vibrator and I was volunteered to go and buy it. I well remember my first thought on walking into that sex shop: "what are all those thermos flasks doing on that shelf?"

Innocent days...

Wayward Wife said...

I am so with you! But, the guys don't seem to believe me when I tell them I *like* an average penis. They still want to think they have a huge one to "destroy" my with. What is up with that, guys?

Trixie said...

I dunno...I like big cocks...but not ginormous ones that make you CHOKE when you try to give them a blow job when you try and swallow the whole thing...not good. Like you, I find the cock that has a little bend in it..the best.

Kyra said...

It's not the size of the waves but the motion of the ocean!

I will admit that I do like a thick one, but it's certainly not mandatory and I prefer average length. And as with all other body parts, it's how the man uses them and how much pleasure he gets from giving me pleasure. I'll take that over an XL cock any day of the week!

Walter said...

"...a very fragile vaginal ecosystem"

That made me laugh so hard!

There is a book called 'The Big Penis Book'.
You'd be terrified...

Svetlana Ivanova said...

Thanks for the link. Your post should be read by all the men who fret about the size of their small to average penises. Even if more than one in three women like "XL dongs" (and I think among sexually experienced women you may be right), men still have a better than even chance of finding a woman who doesn't care or actually prefers a small to average one.

Mr. Nighttime said...

If I am not mistaken, the Pompeii painting is that of the god Priapus, whom one would see on many a Roman wall, especially in brothels.

As for cock size, I think the desired length will vary from woman to woman, but what I have heard frequently from lovers in the past is that one with a curve seems to pleasure better than a straight one. It is my understanding that cocks with curves can reach certain spots in the vagina that straight ones cannot, and this can make a huge (no pun intended) difference. I have tried to take advantage of the fact that I fall into that category.

But, as Anonymous has pointed out, "If a woman can't get off with me, what’s the point?" It's still more about technique. If more guys would take the time to learn and educate themselves as to technique, and to listen to what their partners are telling them, they would find that they would probably get off twice as better, as would their partners.

Isabella Snow said...

Being a small person can definitely make huge cock unappealing on so many levels. Lovely to look at -- not so much fun to fuck.

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

I completely agree with this. I'll take "average" any day of the week.