Thursday, 16 July 2009

HNT: Exposed

I want to hold on to this feeling.

It hurts and it's horrible, but it's really important.

In the dark days ahead, when I'm on my own in my new flat and miss my children desperately; when I start to beat myself up about how I could have put up with it for longer, done things differently somehow, I need to remember what it felt like today.

To know that I had lost my children. Their affection and their respect.

Despite all the unpleasantness I have sucked up and the time and effort I have put in to remain and look after their well being, they have turned against me.

And I need to remember that it was because I married someone who is too gutless to do the right thing when it comes to parenting. Who would rather join their gang and remain popular than fulfil the role of a father and instill ethics, morality and respect in the face of their opposition.

One of my children has called me a cunt.

And, instead of knocking the miscreant into the middle of next week, my Husband proceeded to ignore the issue and allow the offender treats all weekend because the original cause was 'not his argument'.

Three days later, in the light of the consequent escalating disrespect, it took a horrified plea from me, for him to request that an apology be made. This was done on the basis that I should 'accept the apology properly' and that it would lessen the time frame for the loss of privileges that I had instituted.

After that, no one wanted to talk to me or spend any time with me because I had insisted on the removal of internet access from the guilty party for a month. They all knew that their father did not agree with this; that the punishment was down to me and that, at the first opportunity, he would find a way to return that access without my knowledge.

They are also well aware that I will have to attempt to deal with any future misdemeanours in the full knowledge that I do not have his support.

The lunatics have taken over the Asylum.


Picture courtesy of


Jimmy Bastard said...

I'm no angel hen, in fact I'm far fae it. But that aside.. I cannae begin to imagine my reaction if any of my bairns said that word in front of my wife.

Parental respect is everything to me.

The oul fella needs to act..

Mistress L said...

Racy =)

Nolens Volens said...

I would've knocked my girls into next week if either ever calls my wife "cunt" in a disrespectful way. I am sorry your spouse hasn't figured out the parenting game - it will come back to bite him in the end. Happy HNT

B said...

oh honey. I'm sorry. He's the cunt.

NV is right. It will come back to bite him, but that's not terribly comforting, eh?

You need a hug.


southerngirl said...

Oh my dear.

What you describe is horrific and his response is more so. Know that they are grieving here, a loss of their perceived "parental unity," and their world is shaken up right now too.

That however does not excuse behavior or offer any salve to what occurred.

Sending you love...


Anonymous said...

Only a month without Internet?

Wow... no electronics for 3 months might be more like it... no cell, no iPod / MP3, no internet...

And chores on top of more chores.

Not to mention a firm slap across the face most likely.

Little bugger got off light.

Lapis Ruber said...

What a dreadful situation that man has put you in. He needs lessons in manhood, never mind parenthood. He seems to be using your children as a proxy weapon in his fight with you. Resist the temptation to do the same - just stick to your guns - nothing less than an unconditional apology is acceptable - from them both!
Seems trivial to play HNT at such a time but for what it's worth I enjoyed the flash :-) Happy HNT

Helga Hansen said...

You know I am thinking of you in these troubled times... and I am convinced that your husband is going to regret the way he lets the children get away with it, once you are gone. You need to let him have that rope he thinks he's pulling - he'll hang himself eventually!

Very saucy HNT, btw... do I call you Nicholas from now on? :D

Polar said...

HUGS and Deepest Sympathy to You, my Friend!!!!
I hurt when You Hurt!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Oh my dear, I'm so sorry to hear of this. You are right though to remember it as a representation of all you need to move away from. As much for your children's good as your own.
Love BG x

Sara said...

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I'm horrified about his lack of parenting, his disrespect of you, let alone your childs behaviour. Stick to your guns as Lapis said and rise above them. You deserve so much better and fingers crossed you will get that soon.
/hugs for you.

Dana said...

I want to comment on the picture, but will - instead - just give a big ol' cyber {{{{{HUG}}}}}

When the words are so powerful - so intense - it's difficult to focus on anything else.

Ms Scarlett said...

Oh honey... how perfectly awful. Hang in there... big hugs headed your way.

Lovely pic too

Fat Controller said...

This is an appalling situation to be placed in, to suffer not only lack of respect but lack of support. I can see why your position is untenable. It is a courageous step to remove yourself from that situation but clearly necessary for your own wellbeing.

mrwriteon said...

I'm appalled that no action was taken by him. That's terrible.

Lynn said...

I am sorry; I feel your pain. my life sucks too.. glad you found some solace in another realm. hugz

Lady in red said...

Hang on in there, once you have moved out and a little time has passed the pendulum will swing back into your favour as your children realise just what a loving caring mother they have.

For me it was different it was my husband who was doing the name calling in front of our boys. They hated him for it but now they have forgiven him everything (even though he continues to let them down) but they will always defend my honour. It astounds me how they have swung from hating their father so intensely to now loving him again.

Have faith in your children and the ethics/morals you have instilled into them over the years. Eventually these will resurface.

nitebyrd said...

The sooner you leave the asylum, the better. Your husband is an ass.

PDXsubcuck said...

Dare I say that parenting sucks! I think it must always have sucked and as little monsters we had no idea what we put our parents through. So I guess that being a parent means that it is time for your turn in the barrel. However to do the best job (what ever that might be I have no clue and I have been a parent for twenty-two years). However I do know that parents must stick together and they must not allow the childrent to work the parents against each other. While we had our disagreements on how to handle things we tried to support each other and not to go against each other's wishes.

Language like that used toward a parent (or a child) is not acceptable and a parent that would step back from making that clear will find that actions like that will work against them in the long run.

I've told my kids more times than I care to admit that I am their father...not their friend or their buddy.

I do wish you well in the future and you have our sympathy.

sapphirejay said...

What Jimmy Bastard said. But in a North London accent.

In fact what everyone said, but in a North London accent, which is my voice, in case you were wondering.

Dear lord, Cakey -- if ever there were neon flashing justification for you, that you could use as a "I'm doing this for the right reasons" automatic, whip-out-of-your-handbag response to guilt-trippers and other uneducated folk, this is it.

My love to you, a huge hug and about a ton of chocolate. (Which you can share with me. 8-))

Mr. Nighttime said...

Mother of god...I don't have kids, but I can tell you that if I did, and if any one of them said that to their mother, they would be picking up their teeth, and possibly other body parts from the floor.

...and your husband is a fucking coward for not speaking up, at the very least. I hope you can find the happiness you need when you are out on your own, in spite of the challenges this presents.