Tuesday, 22 September 2009


"Do you think you're not pretty then?" he asked.

I was rather brought up short by that one. Obviously the impression I was giving my male companion, with my description of Ruf's previous women, implied that I didn't think I compared favourably.

Sure, I have enough male attention every day to be fairly confident that I don't need to put a bag over my head, but I certainly wouldn't class myself as a 'looker'.

I don't think I'm terribly photogenic - I'm one of those quick movers, full of facial expression and can sometimes appear to be gurning if caught at the wrong moment :)

I suspect it would be fair to say that I am not conventionally pretty but I do appear to be appealling to enough members of the opposite sex, who do not have guide dogs or dark glasses, to qualify as attractive.

Remembering that Michelle Pfeiffer once likened herself to a duck and other beautiful people who are also very insecure about their looks, I guess that there are not too many human beings who really do think they are gorgeous.

The important thing is, do the people you want to like you, like you?,

Well that's difficult, bearing in mind the attitude of both my Husband, whose failure to compliment has been spoken of here ad nauseum, and my first crush, for whom I carried a torch for six years and who told me I had a big arse before he went on to date and marry a beanpole. After those two formative experiences, I tended to think that probably I wasn't pretty enough for the people I wanted to like me, to do so.

However, Ruf has stopped suddenly, mid-sentence, to announce 'You know, you're really pretty' often enough that to state baldly that I'm not would be incredibly insulting to his taste and make me appear to be fishing for compliments.

Sometimes you just have to go with the general concensus :)


Gorilla Bananas said...

I never realised you held a torch for the "big arse" guy for 6 years. You sure knew how to pick 'em! I guess your taste in men has improved over time.

Anonymous said...

I vote with Ruf. And I, too, often say to my wife, in the middle of nothing particular, "you are cute" or "you look gorgeous today" or something similar. Beauty (or mere attractiveness) begins inside, shows itself through your eyes, and manifests itself in the way you present yourself to others. You have had a long road to follow, but you are on the right path now. Too many women -- and men as well -- remain stuck in the rut where you used to be. So the look as bad as they feel, and they oftgen let their bodies go to seed. Good work on yourt part!

Osbasso said...

You know, you're really pretty!

Helga Hansen said...

The only big arse was *him*! Well done... it's funny how time conditions us, eh?

Polar said...

My Friend,
I understand your struggles.
I first really fell in Love with Your Heart.
We have only been given Glimpses (snapshots) of you. Those Glimpses STOP me in my tracks, every-time. Sufficient enough to mentally compile a reasonable image.
Yes you are Physically STUNNING, but that only compliments the Radiance you bring forth from within!

TROLL Y2K said...

I agree with Polar. Had no idea that you were a physical hottie until I saw some HNT posts.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe for a second that prettiness has anything to do with sexual allure. I have at times been virtually orgasmic when just looking at some women who wouldn't be deemed pretty by conventional standards. I suspect you are powerfully alluring.

Mr. Nighttime said...

mrwriteon has a very good point, and have also found myself feeling incredibly attracted who would perhaps not fall under the moniker of "pretty." Sexual attraction can be such a complex thing.

On a related note, I was recently reunited with an old friend from my teenage years. She was one of the "lookers" in our group, and was seeing my best friend at the time.

I was of course, insanely jealous.

I was the geeky kid, the one who didn't get the girls. As pretty as she was, she always treated me with kindness, respect, and was very friendly. She was pretty, she knew it, but never flaunted it.

I was therefore TOTALLY unprepared for the following comment she left after seeing a recent pic of me:

"Age has done you well, I always thought you were cute as a teenager and now you are a very handsome man."

I body blushed. Completely. Totally. It's a good thing she said this by e-mail. I don't know how I would have handled it being in front of her. I am simply not used to these kind of comments.

It was probably the most wonderful thing that a woman has has said to me in a very long time.

Joanna Cake said...

Mr B - As you say, I sure knew how to pick em :) Only time will tell if Ive changed the habits of a lifetime.

Ben - It is the most wonderful thing to be told on a regular basis. Dont ever stop telling her!

Os - Shhhh, or they'll all want to know how you know! x

Helga - Sometimes we're very silly because we let the thoughts of an arse colour the rest of our lives!

Polar - Oh, my faithful friend and supporter. Your words always put an extra spring in my step x

Joanna Cake said...

Trolly - Thank you x

Mr Writeon - I know, some guys have that certain something in spades! As to being alluring, Im just a little old lady really :P

Mr Nighttime - That's really lovely :) I just think we all need to give compliments if we feel an emotion. Pleasure all round!