Saturday, 7 November 2009


"I'm worried about Kitty. I'm worried about you and Kitty.

"I didn't see this at first but, Robert, when she talks about you now... She's a little detached, a little clinical."

"Well, she's coping..."

"Or she's pulling away. Ive seen her do it. Right before she left for New York, she and my mother used to have these terrible knock down fights. They couldn't be in the same room together. And then there came a point where she just stopped arguing. She grew very quiet, very polite. We were all so relieved that we didn't realise that she had just distanced herself. And then she left."

"Well, I appreciate your concern and I don't think you should make assumptions about the marriage."

"I'm not making assumptions. I know my sister. For Kitty, arguing is her way of expressing love, passion. When she pulls away...?"

"She's not pulling away. I know Kitty. She's tired, she's got a lot on her plate and we have been going through some stuff, but she's adjusting..."

"Or she's so angry that she doesn't want to fight any more?"

"What has she got to be angry about?"

"I'm not saying anyone's at fault. I just thought you'd want to know."

Sarah Walker and Robert McAllister, Brothers and Sisters, Episode 19, Series 3

I suspect we all do it when things start to go wrong within a relationship.

We may not do it deliberately but our subconscious begins to draw away.

Detach. Disengage. Disconnect.

Two bodies separate. One united soul splits once more into two discrete entities.

It is the only way to begin to end it. To put distance between the two parties, both physically and mentally.

The clear, cool, calm of courtesy and politeness where once there was white hot passion and frenetic energy.

No longer do we know what the other is thinking. We cannot work out the meaning of their behaviour, whereas previously we could have finished their every sentence.

We spend hours in isolation, trying to work out what went wrong? How we can fix this? But something deep within our psyche has already made the decision that it is over.


All but the final details of our departure.

And eventual divorce.


Polar said...

My Friend,
Again you are So wise, and articulate... I understand your post to be ALSO from within your life... But you have also expressed the goings on...
You up lift me in ways unimaginable! I wish you well, in this season

Cate said...

It's so true. The silence is more dangerous than the arguments. When you have nothing to say because it just seems pointless then there really is nothing left.

Cate xxx

Joanna Cake said...

Polar - This is why I love the good writing on tv. They bring up this stuff and allow us to focus on the way things are in our own lives.

Cate - Hope everything is ok with you x

Lady in red said...

hmmm I wonder if this is what I have been doing putting my passion for love to one side and becoming silent...............I certainly did it in the months before my divorce but until this moment reading your words I wasn't sure that that was what I was doing.

Jackie Adshead said...

Very poignant, and insightful.