tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post8646858928882385083..comments2023-10-05T17:36:23.029+01:00Comments on Having my cake and eating it too: InfidelityJoanna Cakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944673677004607976noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-81969802777817824692007-07-31T16:47:00.000+01:002007-07-31T16:47:00.000+01:00I think that Hardin's response is probably the bes...I think that Hardin's response is probably the best start to making it make sense in my poor confused head. Having dealt with this before we have always had some hard and fast "rules" about what is acceptable and what isn't. It doesn't mean that either one of us hasn't tested those rules. or ended up despising them, it justmeans that when we were at an undistracted point we decided what we His Ladyehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04789918655500742810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-8685327652339585012007-07-29T15:35:00.000+01:002007-07-29T15:35:00.000+01:00To Cherrie and I it is a question of maintaining t...To Cherrie and I it is a question of maintaining trust. We are philosophically committed to an open relationship in which sex with others is not only permitted but also expected. The only infidelity we would recognize is failing to disclose our encounters with others truthfully and completely, and having unsafe sex with others that would put both of us at risk.<BR/><BR/>What is your Hardinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08935067285855601578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-81106434872544658342007-07-27T23:55:00.000+01:002007-07-27T23:55:00.000+01:00I started to comment on this at length but it was ...I started to comment on this at length but it was ridiculously long (not that that surprises me - brevity has never been my forte) so I am just going to post it as a post on my blog.<BR/><BR/>As for this post though, it is a very interesting discussion and I love reading what you write. (I have been reading your previous poits and I am hooked!) <BR/><BR/>"At the end of the day, cybersex is only HyperAnthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01226668859852527602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-54452865744071510652007-07-27T13:29:00.000+01:002007-07-27T13:29:00.000+01:00Ladye - I look forward to the fruits of your cogit...Ladye - I look forward to the fruits of your cogitations.<BR/><BR/>Fille - I think you're right and that the original relationship must have broken down in some way for one to even consider most of these activities but that our own personal happiness is a major contributor when we do.<BR/><BR/>Man - welcome x What's AFF? Being honest is why I started writing this blog. I needed to understand Joanna Cakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15944673677004607976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-74436890311836833612007-07-27T13:24:00.000+01:002007-07-27T13:24:00.000+01:00Keyser Soze asked me to post this on his behalfIt ...Keyser Soze asked me to post this on his behalf<BR/><BR/>It seems to me that the definition rests with your<BR/>lover. It's what they are willing to put up with from<BR/>you and vice versa. To me the success of a<BR/>relationship rest on communication. Most everyone<BR/>covets; lusts after what they don't or can't have.<BR/>It's about not hurting the person you love right?<BR/>If they are OK Joanna Cakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15944673677004607976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-54856132964755782982007-07-27T07:58:00.000+01:002007-07-27T07:58:00.000+01:00All of those acts you mention count as infidelity....All of those acts you mention count as infidelity. If you don't believe they do, then tell your partner you've been engaging in them and see what his/her reaction is. Hillary Clinton may have let Bill get away with his "Oral sex isn't sex" line in public, but you can bet your ass he paid for that one behind closed doors.<BR/><BR/>The fact is that once you've decided, for example, to post a Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09182126029037714531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-4838296528423319692007-07-27T03:21:00.000+01:002007-07-27T03:21:00.000+01:00You are brave to begin this discussion. I think th...You are brave to begin this discussion. I think that, in some ways, infidelity isn't really the question. What is it that you would be faithful to? Is there a true relationship of that kind in the first place, that is being broken? Is anyone being hurt? Potentially hurt? Is anyone choosing to look away to avoid issues? Really, when it comes down to it, we each make the best decisions we can, to Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-42355873030938992612007-07-26T23:44:00.000+01:002007-07-26T23:44:00.000+01:00I have read this and read this and putting togethe...I have read this and read this and putting together a response is much harder than I thought. I will keep reading and try to understand what others think. I am not sure how to put my words out yet. But thanks for starting the discussion in my head.<BR/><BR/>LadyeHis Ladyehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04789918655500742810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-74221459968912559472007-07-23T17:22:00.000+01:002007-07-23T17:22:00.000+01:00Emmak - Im just not someone who can indulge in a s...Emmak - Im just not someone who can indulge in a serious online flirtation without getting emotionally attached. It is the nature of my anorexia :(<BR/><BR/>Luka - That's a different way of looking at it I guess but still a very valid one. If the perpetrator feels guilty then an unfaithful act has occurred.<BR/><BR/>Isa/Middy - I adore Ruf but I still need other male attention. Ive been Joanna Cakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15944673677004607976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-24926839208499238102007-07-23T17:06:00.000+01:002007-07-23T17:06:00.000+01:00Waynecoff said... I think I get bored of being tie...Waynecoff said... <BR/>I think I get bored of being tied down, <BR/><BR/>I could never get bored of that!Freddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06110735604449399540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-16548387918951589322007-07-22T19:41:00.000+01:002007-07-22T19:41:00.000+01:00oh boy, thats a hard one, i done it in both my mar...oh boy, thats a hard one, i done it in both my marriages, and thats why I cant stay in a relationship, I think I get bored of being tied down, its not that I don't love my partner or didn't love my partner, I just can't help myself, I don't feel guilty either, but equally would be upset if it happend to me, its all very odd, but its part of human nature, we are all different, act different, and Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-15987326057143783642007-07-21T12:03:00.000+01:002007-07-21T12:03:00.000+01:00That'sa very interesting post and you cover the is...That'sa very interesting post and you cover the issues very well indeed. I don't think there is one answer to this. I believe to an extent that if you feel guilty after doing whatever act it is, then it is probably infidelity or something close to it. On the other hand some people just have no guilt.<BR/><BR/>From a personal viewpoint, I don't think internet flirting/cyber sex or anything of Midnighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01702939587065688318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-55844990818311299332007-07-21T00:01:00.000+01:002007-07-21T00:01:00.000+01:00Infidelity is a subjective term. It means differen...Infidelity is a subjective term. It means different things both to individuals and to different pairings of partners. It all boils down to whether the individual in question believes they have committed an act of infidelity, rather than the nature of the act that has been committed.Lukahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10953112085793373849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-63024087634723216672007-07-20T22:22:00.000+01:002007-07-20T22:22:00.000+01:00Personally, I have always felt guilty for even che...Personally, I have always felt guilty for even checking guys out when I'm in a relationship, but I think that stemmed from knowing why I was checking them out - I didn't really *want* to be in those relationships anyway.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-79130954683120457092007-07-19T19:34:00.000+01:002007-07-19T19:34:00.000+01:00Very interesting post. I suppose that the Internet...Very interesting post. I suppose that the Internet has really opened up a can of worms as to what constitutes an affair. I had an internet 'affair' that went on for months with someone who lived in another country and it was partly cybersex and partly me saying I think I love you etc. A lot of it is the thrill of this gorgeous man finding you attractive. I dont think it was that my husband wasn'tMommyHeadachehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03924035710478459520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-68061763812146223792007-07-19T16:38:00.000+01:002007-07-19T16:38:00.000+01:00BG, I agree... cause and effectVi, Absolutely, but...BG, I agree... cause and effect<BR/><BR/>Vi, Absolutely, but when there are kids involved who adore their father and he is not physically abusive to their mother...Joanna Cakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15944673677004607976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-85014541428727816572007-07-19T11:37:00.000+01:002007-07-19T11:37:00.000+01:00I don't believe in infidelity myself, well, I mean...I don't believe in infidelity myself, well, I mean I wouldn't personally do it. If I really love someone, I'm commited to them. If I fall out of love, as I did with my husband, I would leave them.Vihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03765245225983839101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6493386230053818260.post-78226349425123058982007-07-19T11:09:00.000+01:002007-07-19T11:09:00.000+01:00A really difficult question, I admire your honesty...A really difficult question, I admire your honesty in trying to find some way through it. For me having never been married it would be when idle fantasy or desire translates into something stronger, an intention to act perhaps, regardless of how that act is performed. But, I do wonder if it isn't a stronger type of infidelity or betrayal that has to come first for longer to even lead people to BenefitScroungingScumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08939136229593231935noreply@blogger.com