Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Discombobulated Rabbits

Reading about Angela-la's DeRampanted Rabbit took me back to my own encounters with Rabbits.

After my first completely disastrous attempt to use my birthday present from Little Sis, it remained in its box inside the hatbox, under the clothes, buried deep within the cupboard under the eaves behind the chest of drawers for some time. However, after months of celibacy, I had discovered the delights of masturbation through the medium of my electric toothbrush but I was strictly limited to clitoral stimulation.

I still felt that I needed some mental enticements to get me in the mood properly though. I had tried watching the porn that was available on Bravo but naked blokes with blurred-out genitals prancing around with silicon-enhanced bimbos didn't really do much for me and I certainly wasn't brave enough to look at porn on the internet in case it left clues that other people might find.

So the advent of The Catalyst into my world was timely. We had met through the internet and conversed by email and then im, exchanging photos and confidences, culminating after a few weeks in an evening of alcohol-fuelled cybersex. I didn't actually play with myself that evening - ok, ok, I told him I had but I was new to all this and I've promised myself that I will be brutally honest on here, if only to reassure some other poor vanilla girl and encourage her to start to experiment.

That night, I discovered that I really enjoyed writing about what I would like to do to a man and even more hearing what he would like to do to me. It made me incredibly excited, doing things to my nether regions that I had never imagined possible and I realised that I needed proper interaction with a real man, albeit virtually, to turn me on properly. Porn just couldn't cut it. It was really quite bizarre creeping into bed beside my snoring Husband at 4am and trying to determine in my head whether I had actually broken any marriage vows or not! Whatever, the exchanges of that long night gave me enough stimulation to fuel at least one toothbrush session over each of the next few days.

Then the first story arrived. It was his beautifully written account of how we would meet for the first time and what would happen next. It was amazing. He made me feel so beautiful and sexy and adventurous and completely turned on that it seemed churlish of me not to immediately go and pleasure myself with my toothbrush and tell him about it on im afterwards.

The following week, there was a story in three parts about our second meeting which left me completely beside myself. He had obviously been studying my photos and was describing my own body intimately. I knew the toothbrush just wasn't going to be enough to satisfy me totally this time. After so many months of abstinence, I longed for penetration! So I pulled out the chest of drawers, flung open the cupboard door, rifled through the clothes to find the hatbox and retrieved that rabbit.

Lying naked on the bed, revisiting his words in my head, I was so wet that, to my surprise, the cock part slid in without any difficulty at all, right to the hilt. So different to the previous occasion... It felt very decadent, lying there in broad daylight in such an unusual situation. I had to turn my teddy bear's face to the other wall, he made me feel most uncomfortable looking at me so quizzically! Still, nothing ventured nothing gained! I switched both buttons on to the first setting and squealed with delight at the first tickle as everything started to move gently. I could feel myself getting wetter still and so, becoming more adventurous, went through the various speeds until both parts were on maximum. The swivelling and whirling of the cock inside me permitting my first proper gspot orgasm. It was glorious. But I wasn't satisfied. Id been up the mountain and I wanted more so maybe a change of position was in order.

Flat on my back on the floor with my legs resting on the bed above me, I reinserted the rather sticky rabbit and let it do its work, building on the excitement of the first climax and swiftly taking me up a few more levels. I could hear myself moaning and gasping but there was something not right. Those ears just weren't doing it for my clit. They were... almost sharp! I reached out for my trusty electric toothbrush and, pushing the ears away with the other hand, I placed the head of the brush against my clit and depressed the 'on' button. The sensation was amazing. Straightaway, up at least three levels of pleasure as I felt the rabbit start to slip out of me without the obstacle of my retaining hand.

Letting go of the ears and allowing them to rest on the top of the tb, I wedged the base of the vibrator against the side of the bed and pressed myself down onto it. The two sets of furious buzzing were now working in tandem, hitting all the places that they needed to. My head was full of The Catalyst's words. How much he wanted me, what he wanted to do to me, how beautiful I was. The balm of all those positive feelings anointing my poor lonely, tormented soul. I could feel myself arching against the twin pleasure centres, pressing downwards and gyrating as every impulse in my body pushed upwards from the tips of my toes and into my head, trying to climb up to the very top of the precipice. It was too much, too much for me to hold on to. The pressure was building up inside me, so strongly I felt I would burst if I didn't let it out. And yet I was afraid. Afraid to relax and let go. Terrified of what might happen, of what could emerge from this Pandora's Box if I lifted the lid and peeped inside. I couldn't contain everything and found myself biting down hard on the base of the wardrobe to try to keep the scream within until, finally, I could hold it all back no longer and it erupted in a long, shrill shout of relief as I plunged over the edge and into the darkness with only the rasping of my breath for company.

And then, as everything subsided, the tears came. Tears of relief that I'd actually experienced what a woman should feel and tears of infinite sadness because I knew I'd never be able to achieve it with my Husband. Sobbing despairingly into the carpet, the instruments of my pleasure still buzzing away on the floor beside me, I was distraught. Part of me felt dirty and ashamed and yet another part was completely elated by the enormity of the sensations I had just lived through. I didn't want to never feel like that again. And, more to the point, I wanted to experience them with a man properly. It wasn't my Husband's fault, but I felt as if I'd been cheated for so many years. Yes, I had had orgasms with him that had made me cry out with delight but they paled into insignificance in comparison to what I had just done to myself (with the help of The Catalyst's mental encouragement) and I was determined that I wasn't going to let that state of affairs continue.

I needed not only a man who knew how to play me like the most expensive violin but, to achieve the ultimate goal, he also had to be able to make me feel beautiful and cherished. I knew that my Husband would never be capable of the second caveat.

It seemed only fair that the Catalyst should be rewarded for his efforts. So I wrote my own version of the last section of his 3-parter. Telling what happened in that hotel room from my point of view rather than his. How it had scared me to be blindfolded and not know what was going to happen next. What it felt like to have him touch me and drip Baileys over my most secret, intimate parts and lick it all off. How I loved the feel of his hard body against mine and the way he lifted me and moved me from position to position as if I was a feather. I called him and I read some of it to him. He took me into the Gents with him and I listened to him wank over me, over my words and my desire for him.

We started sending detailed accounts of our masturbating, the thoughts that caused the arousal, mini-scenarios, the sensations of actually wanking. I would call him at work when he was at his desk and torment him by letting him listen as I climaxed. He seemed to enjoy being pinned to his desk by his erection, whilst his colleagues worked at their desks around him... apart from the time that his Boss arrived with some visitors who needed to be shown around the premises, just as he'd put the phone down from me and needed to get to the Gents to alleviate his state of excitement. All he could do was pick up a lever arch file and hold it casually in front of his groin to hide his predicament as he stood up, whilst announcing that he would have to '..take this file to central records on the way back'.

The story that caused the problem involved us meeting when he went on a business trip. It was the first time that he had actually told me how much he cared about me. It wasn't just sexual gratification this time, but about holding and stroking and loving and needing me. It made me cry but it also made me incredibly horny. I rushed upstairs and set about myself, lying on the floor and re-enacting the Rabbit/toothbrush combination and, fuelled by the declaration of his love, to try to achieve a really big one whilst he listened...

...but just as the crucial moment was imminent, as I twisted my pelvis down against the rampations of the Rabbit, forcing its base against the side of the bed and circling my hips, I became aware of the change - both in motor noise and the sensation inside me. I continued on and had a nice climax but not the riproaring screamer I had envisaged. When Id calmed down a bit, I removed the Rabbit and examined it through the sticky residue. It hadn't run out of Rampant, the motor was still buzzing and the ears were flapping furiously but the important bit was stationary! The thin metal rod that joined the motor in the base to the moving cock-part seemed to have become detached, resulting in a non-waggling cock! I was angry... and mortified! What on earth could I have done wrong to make that happen? And Id only used the thing three times and one of those unsuccessfully. £40 wasted! Grrrrrr...

The Catalyst was laughing down the end of the phone and called my bluff. 'Bet you won't take it back!' Now there was a challenge. A start of a whole new me. The following week, I was in Ann Summers with my defective rabbit cleaned, the business end wrapped in clingfilm. The girl looked at me curiously when I explained that my Rabbit had become discombobulated. You have to remember that I am tiny. About 5' and weighing in at that time at about 7 stone. However, I had the receipt that Little Sis had given me from the party and we were still just within date for it to be covered by the guarantee so they gave me a replacement.

The following day, The Catalyst treated me to another written scenario of our lovemaking and it had the desired effect. So there I was up in my room, lying on the floor with my legs in the air, twisting and grinding. Rabbit and tb working in glorious unison, climbing my way noisily to the climax of the century with the Catalyst listening avidly on the speaker phone when...

... yup, you guessed it, the bloody thing decoupled itself again leaving me totally frustrated and The Catalyst hysterical with laughter.

That's it! Me 'n' Rabbits are FINISHED! I need something a lot more reliable/robust. I know the last time I went for a smear, the gynae nurse said that I had the strongest pelvic muscles she had ever had to deal with and they didn't make her job very easy but, come on, I cant be that strong! I'm putting it down to the base being jammed against the side of the bed with me clenching it tightly and then gyrating causing the faulty design on the coupling to disconnect but I'm not wasting another £40!

And I'm certainly not brave enough to run the gauntlet of the salesdesk at Ann Summers and return a second one after a single use...

Copyright: having my cake


me said...

Wonderful! I laughed so much, i don't get along with rabbits either.

I can relate to some many of your thoughts/desires/concerns. And i too have returned a vibe to ann summers ... and got a replacement! but never again. Home delivery is so much easier.

Angela-la-la said...

You brilliant, funny, sexy little minx! xx

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

BRILLIANT post! Reminds me what I do with my emails from Chief.

I've broken two as well, in similar situations. Unfortunately, the bleeding guarantee was already out of date!

Richard said...

Wonderful story. Can you return the rabbit by mail?!?!

Midnight said...

What a riveting and funny post! It raises an interesing question about cyber sex. Is it being unfaithful? My own view is no, but then again it's fun and a turn on, so it must be really!

I enjoyed that, thanks!

having my cake said...

vi - Thank God, Im not alone! I was starting to question the value of all those Kegel exercises!

me/richard, I could have but at the time, I didnt dare have anything of that nature turn up at the house.

midnight - Something this week made me start questioning the whole nature of fidelity. Im trying to get my salacious thouughts together do a post on it. I believe there was also an article in the Observer about it this weekend too.

Luka said...

It's definitely not you, I've heard many stories of rabbits not fulfilling their sex toy destiny.

Personally, I won't buy anything from Ann Summers these days due to a series of dud and disappointing product purchases.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Oh. My. God. Fabulous writing.

And brave.

"rabbits" - I was laughing at myself, at first, because I acutally thought you got a real RABBIT. Bwahaha - I'm an idiot.

You are not.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

So well written! I think you are most brave though...I can only look upon rabbits with utter terror!

Freddy said...

a former lover of mine, one who had almost no inhibitions sexually, found the rabbit unacceptable because of it's appearance
S doesn't like them because she finds them ineffective
I know women who would never be without one
I guess it's another example of 'different strokes for different folks'
S swears by the pulsatron btw