Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Pitiful

Sugasm #175


"Sometimes I miss you so much that I am pitiful."

She didn't think so. She thought it was the most wonderfully romantic thing for me to feel that way about her... and voice the emotion.

But my need for her makes me feel so weak, so dependent. Pitiful indeed. For she is married to someone else. Another man's wife. Not my girlfriend at all. I am just a paramour. A man who provides her with the sex that she doesn't get at home. A sad bastard who cannot get a woman of his own. A short, fat cunt. Lonely and alone.

So, when she told me she was leaving him and setting up on her own, I was nonplussed. Suddenly, the possibility that she could be mine opened up before me. Trying to support her whilst she dealt with all the trials and tribulations of a marriage breakup, comforting her and holding her as she cried over the dissolution of her security for the previous three decades, fretted over her guilt and sadness, worried for her children, I came to realise the depth of my love for her.

When she snuggles up to me in bed, all warm and naked, pressing herself into my flesh. Watching her as she dances around my flat wearing next to nothing. When she organises me to make the most of my business and finances or cleans my kitchen floor whilst I'm out. Waking up to the joy of one of her early morning blowjobs. When she's screaming like a banshee as she comes over and over again and I'm grinning like an idiot that I can do this. And, later, as she kisses me and strokes me and tells me I'm beautiful.

Sure, I have told her I love her many times before. And I did. I do. She is this wonderful person in my life. A lover... and a friend that I could never imagine not wanting to have contact with.

But it is more than that. There have been so many women, but I've never felt this way about one before. And, suddenly, it began to dawn on me.

I don't just love her, I am in love with her.

She makes me feel glorious.

17 comments:

southerngirl said...

You two take the Cake today (no pun intended there...well OK, maybe a small one).

Ruf, I am impressed. Genuine words which expressed your heart so beautifully. Sadly I think it is very common for men to associate emotion with weakness. You are one smart cookie to get in touch with that and that honesty is to be commended. Ms. Cake love, I see why you like him. I hope you two are insanely happy in this new start.

xo

Krazy said...

That was so sweet! Thanks for sharing.

Ro said...

That made me smile ... and drift off into a few daydreams too if I'm honest :-)

Thanks, Ruf, for sharing those heart-warming thoughts; and thanks, Ms Cake, for letting him!

Ben said...

What a delightful statement of love. Thanks for sharing.

nitebyrd said...

What an incredible post! Just beautiful. How lucky you two are.

Kimberly said...

Sigh, beautiful - just beautiful!

TROLL Y2K said...

Did Ruf write this? It was darned good, regardless.

Today's Troll Poll is not America-Specific. Brits can take part!

Joanna Cake said...

Thanks everyone. Ruf said all the words and expressed all the sentiments over the last couple of months. I put them together so the emotion would never be forgetten.

marianne said...

He is really a great guy, Joanna. But I had already figured that out. :) Kisses to you both.

Polar said...

You again show us a WHY!!!!

Boxer said...

:-)

Abe's Heart said...

Oh, so in love!
Very nice writing.

`x~Abe's Heart.
(Da poet guy from NYC)

Olga said...

I don't know why, but that made me cry and I don't usually cry so easily. It was beautiful and I feel all sappy about it.

Joanna Cake said...

Abe's Heart - Thank you x

Olga - Perhaps because it's a man who's able to enunciate how he feels without feeling emasculated... but it has taken us four years of trials and tribulations to get to this stage :)

The Porn Librarian said...

Yay!

Secretia said...

That was nice to read!

Secretia (Secret Story Time)

Joanna Cake said...

The Porn Librarian and Secretia - thank you both x