I hadn't had sex in nearly two decades.
Hadn't even kissed a woman in five years.
Sure, there had been a couple of blind dates arranged by well-meaning friends... and, of course, my mother. But no one I felt I could get close to. No one who made me feel comfortable with them.
I knew that I was overweight and ugly... as well as painfully shy.
I didn't know it then, although it was later diagnosed, but I had a variant of Aspberger's Syndrome.
I met her through a computer forum. We were both closet geeks... although in my case not quite so closet. She was smart, funny and flirtatious. What she found interesting about me, I have no idea. But she did.
And when her relationship ended, it was me she turned to in her distress. I don't know if it was just that I happened to be online at her hour of need but she told me of her sadness and I comforted her.
It was the week before Christmas, normally a lonely time for me but, with her in my life, suddenly it became almost festive.
At my parents' house on Christmas morning, she texted me. My mobile was sitting on the kitchen table and both my parents started as the vibration sent it skittering across the wooden surface, before looking at me curiously.
My normally silent phone was alerting us all to the presence of someone sending me Yuletide wishes.
As the weeks went on, we became closer and closer... almost intimate. She told me about her needs and her desires. And I listened. Frightened to show too much interest in case she thought me pervy and ran away to warm some other solitary man's life.
The day she called me as she used her vibrator, I was speechless. I listened to her gasps and moans and could feel myself hardening. Sure, I wanked over porn but this was different. This was a real woman. Allowing me the privilege of eavesdropping on her pleasure.
And then the day she got webcam and I saw her for the first time. More beautiful than I could ever have imagined. Shy, fingertips stroking nervously at her neck as she blushed at my compliments. I didn't ask her what she thought of me. The disappointment of her disapproval would have been too much. But she was online to chat every day for a week so I can't have been too disgusting in her eyes.
I don't know what made me say it that night, perhaps I swigged at my lager a little too enthusiastically and got some Dutch courage.
"Take your top off..." I laughed as I said it, as dominantly as I could, never expecting that she would comply almost immediately, giggling softly.
After enjoying the sight of her pretty pink bra with her white breasts peaking indecorously over the top of the lace for some minutes, I pushed my luck a little.
I think my eyeballs must have nearly popped out of my head as she reached behind her and removed it.
My hand went to my groin. I was unable to resist stroking the stonking hard-on that she had produced and which was now straining against the crotch of my trousers.
It was her turn to laugh and the action sent a ripple through her body that made her breasts joggle and her nipples waggled in front of my face.
"Let me see!"
My embarrassment forced me to decline and I tried to draw the attention away from me and back to her by going for broke and asking for complete nakedness.
I watched awestruck as she undid her jeans and stepped out of both them and the matching pink lace thong.
It had been so long since I had seen a woman naked. Porn doesn't count. It's not for me at all. But this was purely for my benefit. Real... and just bloody marvellous. My own personal porn.
I'm afraid that's when my cock let the side down really badly and deposited a wet patch down my thigh, the fabric of my trousers soaking it up so that it became obvious on the outside.
But she was patient. Persuaded me to remove the offending article of clothing. I wouldn't take off my shirt though, I didn't want her to see my fat belly when she was so slender and gorgeous.
The sight of her Rabbit immediately caused my cock to stand to attention again. Watching her arouse herself and hearing those familar gasps and moans as she climaxed and the liquid trickled out of her and down her own thigh. There was no way, I wasn't going to follow suit and she shrieked excitedly as my spunk expelled itself forcefully, flying across the desk and splashing onto the screen.
I had disgraced myself again, but she thought it was wonderful.
It was a cold February evening so she put on a robe and continued to give me her undivided attention. I watched her as she swung from side to side on the swivel chair; her feet resting up on the desk in front of her. Every time she moved to the side, her knees and thighs parted to reveal that most delicate and intimate place between her legs. Soft, pink and calling to me.
For the first time in so many years, I wanted to be close to someone. To touch, to hold, to feel.
So, that's when I screwed up my courage and asked her to meet me for coffee.
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
I hadn't had sex in nearly two decades.