Thursday, 11 October 2007

Someone else's wife

'I hate feeling that I'm nagging you, girlfriends aren't supposed to nag'

'But you're not my girlfriend, you're someone else's wife'

Ouch!

Oh yes, you tried to cover it up by continuing '... and someone's mother and...' a list of other things that I can't remember because my whole body had gone numb that you could still say it that way after we'd been through so much together.

Part of me wanted to slam the phone down, part of me wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself because I certainly wouldn't be driving 200 miles to share the bed of someone who clearly has so little regard for me. Reducing me to the status of non girlfriend and reintroducing the same old circular argument that I thought we were getting past. I know we were both tired and frustrated by other stuff but still...

And then it came to me, if a fuck buddy is what you want, then a fuck buddy is what you shall have...

Walking through the door, shoving you up against the wall to kiss you. I'm so annoyed with you. Angry that you feel my loving you just isn't enough and enraged because I still love you too much. You can sense it in the ferocity of my kiss. Feel the pain and the fear but it's never going to be enough to stop the lust.

Pushing me back and round against the wall, you're trying to kiss me but I'm twisting my face from side to side avoiding your lips. In my world, fuck buddies don't kiss with passion. Struggling as you grip my wrists above my head with one hand, hold my chin to keep me still and make me kiss you but I won't give up willingly, jamming my mouth tightly shut.

Kicking with my legs so you have to immobilise my lower body with the pressure of your hips and knees. Pressed tight against me, feeling the softness of my body against yours. And then with one hand, you rip my tshirt from top to bottom exposing my breasts and bend to kiss them. Sucking at the soft flesh and trying to free them from the bra with your tongue. Suddenly, grunting with pain as I deadleg your outer thigh with my knee and push myself away from you.

Ducking under your arm and trying to run as you grab me by the hair and force my face against the wall, pushing your hand between my legs from behind. Rubbing at me through the denim, knowing how much I've always loved you to do that and feeling the heat of my excitement against your palm. Treacherous, treacherous body! Elbowing and scratching and trying to bite you, I won't let you just take me, not this time. I won't just melt and lay down and give myself, you will have to fight for it.

Picking me up as I try to kick you and claw at you; throwing me onto the bed and half-jumping on me but I'm too quick, rolling away and round to get back on top of you. Gripping you with my thighs and trying to hit you when all my body really wants to do is push my tits into your face. You grab hold of my fists, hold them in one hand and rip at the lace of my bra, wrenching it away from the underwires, exposing those glorious breasts. Reaching up to try to lick at the nipples as I frantically try to knee you in your exposed ribs.

Shoving me backwards and dragging my jeans down round my ankles roughly, hobbling me and then licking the material of my thong; tearing it apart at its seams as I pull your hair and your ear to drag you off me, twisting and squirming until I'm back on top. Frenziedly hitting out as you try to control me, pummelling, grappling, pinching, clawing, biting, ripping at your flesh. Trying to make you hurt as badly as your thoughtless words did me. My breath coming in ragged gasps, the blood pounding in my ears, hating you with every fibre of my being, fighting and struggling...


... until all the distrust and the hurt could be expunged, feeling it dissipate and fade away to leave only the passion, the love, the way I ache for you when I'm not with you, the way my body cries out for you when we make love - be it virtually or in reality.

And suddenly, completely motionless in your grip; all the hate gone out of me. Evaporated because I'm with this man who makes me feel so amazing, fills me with the deepest emotions I have ever experienced and I don't care if it doesn't go on forever, I just want to live in the now and accept whatever it is that he wants to give me. Whispering: 'Stop stop, I want you to watch', and reaching my released fingers towards the box of delights.

Kicking off the last of my jeans and slipping out of the remnants of the thong so I can crouch over you with the tulip on my clit, pushing my legs apart as wide as possible. Soft, pink, oozing folds of flesh vibrating with pleasure inches from your nose as you try to touch them with your tongue. Watching my hole quivering with longing as my fingers penetrate. Squelching and sliding, in and out and in and out, probing and withdrawing, making me catch my breath.

And then, smiling, as I lube the clear dildo and push it oh so gently inside me, inch by blissful inch. Mouth open and panting as it hits my g spot and then languorously withdrawing again. Pulling it right out so I can lick myself off it and then re-inserting, slowly, slowly all the way in, prolonging its journey to provide maximum enjoyment and then reversing at the same speed, watching each centimeter emerge, covered in my slick juice.

The tulip going faster on my clit, riding it as I sit on your stomach leaning back against your raised thighs, legs wide apart giving you the best view in the house as the dildo carefully penetrates all the way to the hilt and just as unhurriedly egresses. Again and again it disappears inside me, taking away the last vestiges of my control with its dilatory progression and then the sudden shrieking climax as finally I leave it pressing my gspot and the tulip sandwiches it from the other side.

The sweat is like a soft sheen on my skin and I'm completely slippery as you slide your hand over my breasts and down my belly to grasp the sticky hilt. Starting to work it for yourself, pushing me over onto my knees so that you can do it from behind whilst my mouth envelopes your cock as slowly as you're sliding the silicon substitute into me. Matching the rhythms up and down and hold and up, out and in and hold and out. Licking and sucking your beautiful member as you take me higher and higher. Until we're both almost there, shuddering and trembling and covered in goosebumps.

Finally sliding into me, whispering in my ear how much you love me and how none of the other stuff matters, just us. Only us and the way we can make each other feel. Wrapping me in your arms, enfolding me in your love, giving me everything I ever wanted until there is nothing but the pulse throbbing in my head, pumping and rushing in time with your gentle thrusts as the friction builds, setting off tiny explosions inside me. Expanding and contracting around you until neither of us truly knows where either begins and ends. Arching into you, giving myself to you totally, completely. My arms around you pulling you tighter against me, our hearts almost exploding with the intensity of the effort. Two voices moaning with the enormity of the emotion and the pleasure, culminating in a sigh of satisfaction as the orgasms reach their peak and take us over the edge into the blackness, gripping onto each other.

But no matter how much I burst with wanting to tell you, I keep my lips resolutely pressed together. I will not say those three little words to you again

In a tit for tat world, we are now both fuck buddies...

... and the prospect breaks my heart...


There has to be a term that truly describes what we are to each other.

24 comments:

bittersweet me said...

ooh, that struck a cord in me. So many times the hurt slips out, a sting now and then that cuts to the bone. He refers to me as his wife sometimes, then corrects himself. Says he doesn't know what love is. I told him i won't ever say those words to him again, and he laughed, because he doesn't need me to tell him.

the raunchy sex helped .. thanks!

Lady in red said...

this made me cry as it is how I feel

if he wants sex as a fuck buddy that is all he would get ....no more passion.....no more gentle love making no more of me doing what he wants but him doing it how I want where I want etc........if we ever have sex again it will never be the same as before he destroyed what we had with just a few words out of the many we exchanged that day.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Ouch indeed x

Anonymous Boxer said...

You ARE his girl friend. I would have said the same thing.

Wild Cat said...

You write so well, you've captured everything about me and S better than I ever could.
The problem is that, even if you never utter those special words again, you'll always mean them - I know. I haven't said them in a long time now, yet my eyes give it away everytime - you can't control your heart x x

Angela-la-la said...

Ouch indeed. x

Sulpicia said...

Someone else's wife. Gah. Like you are the husband's property. You're you. A lover, among many other roles. Yes, ouch.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Wow, I bet he's gonna regret saying that!

Flowering Jasmine said...

I understand what you said about living in the here and now. If only it were possible to train our brains that way...

Lady in red said...

when I had been seeing N for a while, as far as I was concerned I was single as I hadn't even thought about meeting anyone else until 3 months after I began the divorce.
He said he still thought of me as a married woman rather than his girlfriend. I was flabberghasted

Gypsy said...

The sting of words uttered that we can't take back or unhear. All I will say apart from the sex part was HOT is sometimes actions speak a lot louder than words. It sounds like he can't live without you anymore than you can without him.

George said...

That was a very callous thing to say whether it be an accident or, even worse, on purpose. You are a hurt hot woman and I certainly don't blame you for being hurt

Loving Annie said...

Oh Cake, that so broke my heart... You explained so perfectly how it feels when you love someone and hate them simultaneously for the pain they cause you and yet you just want to fuck until it turns to love and all the hurt goes away... I ache for you, and the wounds he inflicts with his carelessness.
You can't ever really just be a fuck buddy - you love him too much...
Huge empathy,
Loving Annie

Redhead Editor said...

Words sting. They are so powerful.

Isabella Snow said...

Wow, so not kind. Sorry, Cake! :( That sex is the kind of sex I love, however.. and it sounds like it healed you a bit. :)

RAFFI said...

he'll be sorry, and back on his knees begging for forgiveness

Pixie said...

Maybe he said them not to hurt you, but cause he's hurting that you two can't be more together.
Doesn't make them hurt you less, but maybe worth considering.

Fantastic writing as well, as ever.
pxx

Jackie Adshead said...

You're way more than fuck buddies to each other - you're lovers in the true sense of the word. But did he refer to you being someone else's wife because he actually cares so much for you....??

Tom Paine said...

My vote for Sugasm....

Amy said...

Aw, sweetie...isn't it incredible how much pain a few tiny words can cause?

A beautiful description of what keeps bringing you back though :). (And lots more besides, I'm sure.)

lumpesse said...

Such a poignant post! Perhaps bracketing you away like that is his way of stopping from being hurt. By calling you 'someone else's wife' he is saying that you don't belong for him. But that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't wish the situation was different. That is just my literary critic reading of it, though. Sorry that you're hurting and I love the blog and cupcake design ;)

Anonymous said...

Man alive! Great writing, couldn't do better myself. I don't even know how I happened upon this. As a man I am going to admit a childish thing we sometimes do. We will say things to strike a sour note in hopes to be corrected. I have the notion that he wants you to say he is more, and you want to be his girlfriend and wish things were different, etc. Obviously I do not know the particulars, and am playing devils advocate, but what I read IN YOUR WORDS is that he Loves you deeply.

Joanna Cake said...

Anon, thank you.. and, two years on, I can tell you that you read him right. If only Id had you there to reassure me when I wrote this x

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I came across your site and found it very interesting. We sell herbal solutions to all kinds of sexual problems and various male prostate massage toys and impotence rings.

We also sell products to delay ejaculation and strengthen erections. If any of this sounds interesting to you I would love for you to include info or even test our products in your passionate, informative posts. My email address is james.schofield@comfortclick.co.uk, don't hesitate if you have any comments or requests. Let me know if I can help you in any way.

Thanks!

James
ShytoBuy.co.uk