Friday, 25 July 2008

OverRated: The Scaramanga Fallacy

I have a mole on my chest. It's been there all my life. When I was a child it was so tiny, small and flat that it doesn't notice on any of those naked in the paddling pool shots that are a staple of every child's photo album. But as I grew older and developed my boobs, it ran out of room. Sort of scrunching up and becoming more knobbly.

Naturally, I have always been quite self-conscious about it, particularly as it is sited just under my left breast and is, I feel, rather unsightly. Things were not improved when Jo Whiley, the Radio One DJ had a 'large mole removed from near her boob which doctors later told her was a third nipple'. Someone else told me it was actually a wart and not a mole. I'm not sure that made me feel any better at all.

Recently, I watched a programme on C4OD about triple nipples. The maker, Dan Louw, has four of them and had been led to believe he had inherited the extra two from his twin who died in the womb, although this later proved to be unfounded.

He had done a lot of research on the subject and had actually found a woman who had one under her armpit which physically lactated when squeezed!

Not long ago, Lily Allen revealed hers on The Sunday Night Project. Although I have to say that it looks more like a birthmark from this distance. Mark Wahlberg apparently also has an extra one.

I hasten to add that my mole has no areola. It doesn't stiffen when I get aroused or cold. It hurts like hell if I knock it or catch it in the wire of my bra when I'm being sporty, so the concept of piercing it (as some people have) definitely does not appeal.

As I've become more attuned and observant, I have noticed that a lot of other people have a very similar type of mole. One friend had the protuberance on her neck, another on the top of her boob. The explanation seems to be that they all fall in the 'line' where the milk ducts would be if we were still quadrupeds (imagine the two lines down the body of cats and pigs) so, naturally, people assume that they are additional nipples.

However, that is inconsistent with the one on the side of Lily's boob? The lactating one under the woman's armpit? Others which I have seen on backs and also for mine which is positioned in the middle of my chest?

I have talked vaguely about having it removed a la Jo Whiley but it's been there so long, nestled to one side of my ever-widening cleavage, that it hardly merits the effort. As Ruf said, when I'm naked, anyone else in the room tends not to be fixated by my mole when there are so many other distractions. The only time I'm really aware of it is when it gets knocked or I'm having my boobs checked for lumps.

If Scaramanga hadn't made the concept synonymous with evil, perhaps I wouldn't even give it a second thought.



Osbasso said...

Not quite sure what to say here, other than to ask for photographic evidence of said mole/wart/nipple. :-P

Magnus said...

And you know, though Ian Fleming made that up out of whole cloth when he wrote The Man With The Golden Gun, Christopher Lee actually does have a third nipple - it wasn't a special makeup effect.

Magnus - Curator, Useless Trivia Museum

Gorilla Bananas said...

Have you considered dyeing it, Mrs Cake? A blue or green carbuncle might make you look like a sexy alien.

Anonymous said...

Completely unrelated to your post, I just want to say how thrilled I am to have stumbled across your blog. I'm at a place right now where I'm not sure if I'm having a nervous breakdown, a mid-life crisis or finally starting to discover myself but I have been reading your early entries and there is so much there that I identify with it's a little spooky!

Z said...

I used to know a guy with two, just under his regular nipples. My daughter has one, just under one of her breasts. I never noticed it when she was small, but it's more evident now. We assumed it was a mole, but her doctor confirmed it was a third nipple (even though you have to peer at it very hard to see it). I'm pretty sure it's confirmation that she's an alien.

Actually the weird thing is that when she was tiny, and I sometimes used to wonder if she was a changeling, I could tell that she wasn't because she has a birthmark on exactly the same place on her arm that my mother has a mole and I have a cross between a mole and a birthmark, and she has a birthmark on the back of her leg that is identical to my sister's'. She's like a repository of family markings.

Helga Hansen said...

I have what I think is a rather large mole at the top of my left breast. On a visit to the doctor a couple of years back, my doctor saw it and made some comment about it being a nipple. I thought he was just being weird!

Personally, I still think it's a mole!

Apollo Unchained said...

Man With The Golden Gun is one of my favorites, but I'd forgotten all about Scaramanga's third nipple. I had no idea that Christopher Lee really does have that third nipple. Citations, Magnus, please!

Riff Dog said...

I had something similar on my neck and had it removed because it kept getting caught by loose threads and buttonholes, which really hurt.

Walker said...

Sometimes three is not a crowd and if it doesn bother you why bother it

( . )( . ) said...

I have a nasty mole on my chest, people always ask why I dont get rid of it.

I think I dont get rid of it because I know some people find it unsettling. And that makes me chuckle a little. Look at my mole you superficial bastards. Drink it all in.

Brian said...

A third nipple is according to legend both a sign of evil of a third teat for the Devil to suck on and a sign of high sexual appetite\virility. I'll leave it up to yourself to decide which! (or both) Incidentally, if that third nipple changes colour or gets a bit hard and crusty, have it removed pronto!