Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Revelation

I eventually plucked up the courage to view it in its entirety.

Was it better or worse than just imagining them in my head? I'm not sure. When I first suspected the deception, my mind had been just as cruel in its depiction as any of the confirming images on the screen in front of me.

I guess some people would just have written a letter, but the anonymity of this piece of film permitted the whistleblower to have denial, whilst still delivering incontrovertible corroboration. It slipped into my inbox one day and the sender's name meant nothing.


I wondered how he or she had been able to obtain such intimate and persuasive evidence? Had the guilty couple filmed themselves for their own entertainment and allowed the mpeg to get into the wrong hands? Or had someone else felt it their duty to entrap them and spill the beans by tittle-tattling to the wronged spouses?

Whatever the genesis of the action, it was me that had to deal with the consequences. Finally open my eyes, stop making excuses and see the extent of the betrayal. Watch treacherous limbs wrapped around each other. Duplicitous mouths peppering hot kisses onto each centimetre of disloyal flesh. Hair falling over perfidious faces. Devious hands exploring, encircling and penetrating. Panting breath and whispered endearments. Their squelching, sweaty, sordid lust filling me with an incandescent rage, spilling over into scalding tears of shame.

Each unfaithful caress cutting into my soul like a knife. Twisting and turning in my guts. Eviscerating my self-esteem and destroying my belief in the timeless beauty of our love. Torturing my heart before ripping it to shreds.

Why was I not enough? Was there something I didn't do? Anything I could have done better?

For what purpose would someone send me this?

Now I have to face the facts behind my suspicions and decide upon some course of action that could affect two families.

And why the fuck do I feel the need to rewind and revisit ad nauseum...?

15 comments:

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I really hope this is a fictional piece and that you're ok? Email if not and you need to talk, love BG x

Gorilla Bananas said...

You're not the jealous type, are you Mrs Cake?

having my cake said...

BG - Dont panic, it's in italics, it's fiction :) I just wanted to explore the thought process...

Mr Bananas - Not sure, Mr Bananas, no one has ever put me in the situation to find out... and I hope they never will!

Gin said...

Amazing writing! I must say. I thought it may have been you receiving a video of your husband with his lover.

Definitely an amazing thought process. I felt flushed just reading it!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Glad to hear it...and just goes to show how good your writing is ;) x

Sir Monocle said...

You certainly had me going!

having my cake said...

Gin - Hello and thank you. I deliberately tried not to put anything gender specific in it. The idea is that you're not supposed to know whether it is a male or a female talking about their partner.

having my cake said...

BG - Thank you... and for your earlier concern x

Sir Monocle - Well, Im sure that's the state I always aim for with my Reader :)

Midnight said...

You had me going there until I saw the tag at the end.

Hopefully you will never have to make that judgement call. I reckon you'd struggle with a dilemna like that.

Mr. Nighttime said...

ok, you suckered me in - which is not easy to do, mind you! ;-) Well played, but ah, keep your curtains closed, just in case. ;-)

Trixie said...

Phew! I'm so freaking glad I read it was fantasy! I thought I'd better check your labels first! lol

marianne said...

Interesting look at the potential other side of the coin. I like how you continually try to get inside the other point of view.

justme said...

I assumed it was fiction but was just a little worried!
EEEK....wouldn't that be a horrific scenario, because you WOULD keep going back and looking again.......
Really well written and interesting.
Lets hope it never happens!

having my cake said...

Middy - I suspect it depends who the people involved were...

Mr Nighttime - Thank you... and I will :)

Trixie - Cheat! :)

Marianne - As you just wrote in your latest post, writing skills need to be developed and challenged x

Justme - Thank you x

Walker said...

There are as many possibilities as there are shadows with what lurks behind them.
You could have been posting about my life here a couple of years ago.