Friday, 22 May 2009


I had been wanking under the covers for the best part of ten minutes, watching Ruf flit in and out of the bedroom, before he finally realised.

And that was only when he got into bed and wondered at my stillness. Raising the covers and taking in the scene, he laughed.

Being used to the rather more noisy models I had been wont to use previously, it was so quiet that he never even noticed.

Me, I just lay there on my back, enjoying the relaxation as the motor gently buzzed away inside me. Iris is such a good shape that she slid in really easily and meaty enough to fill me properly without that gap at the end where other toys just didn't quite seem long enough. Gradually pushing the control up through the five different programmes, fiddling with the power control to increase the speed and working out which pulser or shaker speed I preferred best... at that particular moment.

For me, a vibrator has never been a substitute for a man. It never could be, for how can it put its arms around me and nuzzle my neck, pressing itself hard against my flesh and demonstrating that it wanted me back.

But Iris certainly ticked a whole lot of boxes that put it well on the way to being my favourite toy. Nowhere near as loud as the Hitachi and without the encumbering cable, combined with a power that is more controllable. Quieter again than any of the tulip gspot/clit stimulators and far more satisfying when used internally. More importantly, it seemed more powerful than her sister, Gigi, my previous weapon of choice. So when I selected the highest, fastest setting and placed it on my clit, it knocked all previous contenders into a cocked hat.

This is what I look for in a plastic playmate! A device that allows me to achieve a fabulous clitoral orgasm whilst my lover ploughs into the hole of his choosing from behind and sets off a tandem gspot climax. Man and machine working together to bring about my release.

Other pretenders had had the power but their volume had rattled the rafters and woken the neighbours before I'd even got started. Still more had purported to do the job but failed miserably and left me frustrated at their lack of oomph, especially when the batteries were on the way out, or with a stiff arm due to having to reach to hold the device in position.

So, powerful, quiet, ergonomically shaped for comfort internally and externally, rechargeable and easy to clean because it's made of silicon so a quick wash with antibacterial soap or sextoy cleaner (carefully avoiding the recharging socket) and dried on a lint-free towel, remembering to avoid silicon-based lubes when you play.

Faced with a choice between the Elise and the Iris, I selected the latter because of its raised textured curves rather than the cold Scandinavian lines of Elise.

I love my Iris.

With many thanks to Rick at Vibrator-Toys.


Anonymous said...

I am in need of something different...may be just what Ms. Cake prescribed. :) Thanks!

Z said...

I have to say, I love my Elise - I like streamlined :) Lelo toys are amazing - a winner every time.

Gorilla Bananas said...

But do you still have to hold it while being taken from behind? I assume a handless device would be optimal.

phallatio said...

It genuinely looks beautifully designed. My favourite dildo experience was the day a woman put on a strap-on with two internal dildos, thus filling three holes simultaneously!

Themistokles said...

Superbly written. Lively, humorous, and detailed. I wish I could bring such zest to my writing, but it's currently so focused on clarifying technology for laypeople that I haven't really been concerned with the writing style.

Now you're making me crave well-crafted prose.

You made mention of the Hitachi's uncontrollable power. I wanted to let you know that a router speed control, available at hardware stores that sell power tools, will give you precise control of a Hitachi with just a turn of the dial.

having my cake said...

SG - Im loving it, so versatile

Z - LOL, it's always good to have a win/win situation :)

Mr Bananas - Obviously if you want thrust, you have to DIY but it does remain in situ pretty easily if you just want vibration :P

phallatio - Now that I would have liked to see :)

Themistokles - Thank you kindly. Im wondering if that's an American device or if they sell them over in the UK?