Thursday, 30 July 2009

HNT: Foundations

Cate's post on being able to reassess and improve her marriage through what she had learned over the last year made me start to wonder.

If I'd had my blog a decade ago, would I have been able to implement changes in my own attitude that could have saved my marriage? Or would I eventually have tired of always being the one to compromise? For I believe that that is what my life would have become. One long fight to accommodate someone else's inability to communicate in terms of both talking and listening. Repressing my own needs and making a whole litany of excuses for that inherent lack in the man I had chosen as my life partner.

I don't think anyone should continue in a relationship like the one described in Kate Nash's 'Foundations' where compromising instead of having it out properly leads to bitterness and sniping in private that overflows into our public lives to the embarrassment of friends and acquaintances.




'My fingertips are holding on to the cracks in our foundations' is an occupation with which I can empathise at first hand and to what end? To maintain a relationship that is not built on the solidity of mutual respect?

Suddenly the relief of being able to let go and just allow the pieces to fall where they are comfortable is almost palpable.

So, as I look around the place that will be my home for the next six months, I can't help feeling a sense of pride that I finally had the courage to walk away on my terms. But, more than that, ultimately I achieved the ability to recognise what I needed from all the relationships in my life and the keys to, hopefully, restoring the balance within them.

Through what I learned in my counselling sessions, I have also attempted to retain my lifestyle by accommodating his needs and utilising the behaviour that used to work against me.

Still trying to have my cake and eat it too.


Maslow diagram courtesy of http://talkingtails.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/800px-maslows_hierarchy_of_needssvg.png


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10 comments:

Osbasso said...

Sounds like you're in a good place right now! I'm happy for you. I'm curious about the six months though...

On a photographic note--great picture!

Ms Scarlett said...

I'm with Os, it does sound like you're in a good place. I'm glad you're feeling good.

Awesome picture! It's lovely. HHNT!

Barefoot Dreamer said...

ah yes the process. It sounds like you are in the fun part. The you part. fabulous!

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Congratulations on your new flat and new life! I hope you'll be able to look back 6 months from now & know you've done the right thing
Love n hugs BG x

Cate said...

Congratulations on the new flat and well done for having the courage to break free from a stifling relationship. I think you have put it perfectly - when you can't be true to yourself in your marriage then it becomes destructive. I am clinging to the hope that I can make the most of what I have right now, but also won't punish myself later if it doesn't work.

It's so important to be happy with who you are and to not be afraid to be that person.

Cate xxx

His BabyDoll said...

ahhhh you are in such a good spot, it makes me smile!!

HHNT/F

nitebyrd said...

IMO, you've made the right decision. Being the person that always bends or gives in, is a miserable way to live. I know.

Beautiful HNT!

Ro said...

Congratulations on reaching such a positive stage - I'm really pleased for you :-)

AL (the inventor) GORE said...

I invented Maslow's Pyramid of Needs.

Joanna Cake said...

LOL... I didn't think the picture came out particularly well but I am in a good place right now. With myself and with my children :)

Al The Inventor... Really? It has been very helpful to me :)