Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Waiting... for Godot?

So, now all the important people are in the know...

... and, despite my fears, the world hasn't come crashing in.

It would appear that my children are, for now, content to deal with the idea that the parent who stops them from doing stuff and shouts a lot is going to be living in another place but coming back daily to keep an eye on them.

They are well aware that a line was crossed in their parents' relationship and that it is impossible to go back. New lines of communication and habitation have to be set up and the attitudes with which we have lived over the last few months must become a thing of the past.

The location and size of my new accommodation has been discussed in terms of there being room for staying over and visiting generally. Keys have been requested and denied, for the moment, on the basis that it is a short term rental and not worth the additional cost.

My parents are sad but not surprised. I have been drip feeding them the chaos of my attempts to parent for months now and they have observed certain disrespectful behaviours increasing in the meantime. My family has rallied round to support me, both emotionally and financially, although there is no animosity towards my Husband, who has been a family member for the last three decades and will continue to be such. There is just a general feeling of sadness that he was unable to grasp the nettle and step up to the plate to provide proper parenting for our children and hung me out to dry as a result.

So now I count down my final days and nights in the house that has been my home for over 20 years in the knowledge that, come Thursday, if all goes well, I will have the keys to my new residence.

Waiting for my old life to draw to a close and the future to begin.

And almost looking forward to being an independent woman for the first time.

17 comments:

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I will be thinking of you come thursday and sending you all the very best positive vibes (not that kind!) for your new place
Love n hugs, BG x x x

Nolens Volens said...

I hope you will finally find your peace and respect long since denied to you.

Osbasso said...

Family has a tendency to rally when you need them to. Hope everything goes smoothly this week!

Ms Scarlett said...

Good luck Joanna! Rely on your family, and hopefully everything will fall into place. Hugs!

BlazngScarlet said...

I too will be thinking of you, and will raise a glass to toast you to your new independence.
After everything you have fought through, I KNOW you will be just fine.
It'll just take some adjusting, and you giving yourself permission to just let things progress at YOUR speed.
You deserve it J. :D

Helga Hansen said...

Good luck, hun... and hope you've managed to sort something out, re: internet connection!!

Rachel Noy said...

Good luck, not that you need it!

Kevin Musgrove said...

Good luck Joanna. Like as not you'll feel like shit on Thursday. This will pass.

Very wise move on the keys.

Cate said...

Change is good.

I have been reciting that in my head a lot lately, but sometimes I still find myself wanting to cling to familiarity, even if it isn't a good thing. I think that is human nature to fear the unknown but you have already come so far.

I have my fingers crossed for you.

Cate xxx

Anonymous said...

Thursday is just a few hours away for you, I hope all goes well in every possible way. You'll be in my thoughts, Ms Cake.
~Gin

Brian said...

One door closes and another opens. Good luck, it will be for the best.

justme said...

HUG! All will be well. x

nitebyrd said...

You've already achieved independence. You're ready for freedom.

Dora said...

I know it's scary right now, but it will get better and easier as everyone gets used to the new order.
Just a couple of days ago, my oldest son, who is 20 now, and I were talking about how he barely remembers what it was like with both parents in the same house, and its only been about 7 years.
Take care.

Boxer said...

brave woman. I'm with you in spirit.

sapphirejay said...

Sounds like a fully naked Thursday to me -- metaphorically, at least.

Sending you hugs, support and tons of love, Cakey.

Sapphire Juno x

Joanna Cake said...

Guys, I've no idea what these say. Can you write in English or I will have to delete...?