Sunday, 16 March 2008

Need... R-100

I have to say that writing the Officer and a Gentleman story has left me in a very strange state.

Quite apart from being very hormonal, I cannot concentrate on anything much. There are so many unfinished household chores and I flit in and out of the laundry basket with no real purpose to my sporadic spurts of energy. My emotions running the gamut of irritability, crotchety, flighty and tearful, inconsistently and confusingly running into each other with no apparent rhyme or reason.

But, of course, the real reason for my instability is that I haven't had sex for nearly six weeks and I'm gagging for it. The prospect of another 100 hours before I actually get my hands on a real cock is driving me mad. I was forced to avail myself of my toothbrush nearly every day last week and, on Friday, I had to use a clit wand, a vibrating dildo and stick my finger up my own arse but, whilst pleasant, it still didn't totally satisfy the desperation of my craving.

How do men deal with their raging libidos when the object of their lust is unable to be present? Do they just wank incessantly? Or do they try to shut it out of their minds until they know the desire is actually going to be fulfilled?

Juno has advanced the theory that the excessiveness of my need is exacerbated because two twin souls are telepathically connected and he is feeling this absence just as keenly, which is communicating itself to me with the resulting amplification.

From my point of view, it's really rather amusing. I mean, I went without sex for months, even years and never missed it. But, once introduced to vibrators and self stimulation, I found them rather addictive and would probably masturbate once a week, especially on weekends just before I had a shower. Waking up wet after some very pleasant half-dream and assuaging the ache inside me with the aid of my toothbrush. Although if the house was empty, I might be more adventurous and get some of the other toys out.

For the past two years I've been having full-on, rampant, scream-out-loud-with-excitement sex on a regular basis. The downtime between visits has gradually decreased so that over the past year, it was never less than once a month. However, dates have conspired to make the gap between our meetings nearly seven weeks on this occasion. At the beginning of our relationship, long intervals happened on a few occasions but, this time, it's been particularly hard. There is this deep-seated emptiness throbbing away inside me.

My dreams have taken on the most peculiar qualities - forcing me to examine situations in my sub-conscious that I would never entertain in real life... or so I thought. I awake wet and frustrated and more than a little confused.

I've tried to write away my lust but that just seems to make me hornier. Repeated wanking provides a short-lived release but serves only to highlight the extent of my frustration. Self-administered clitoral orgasms are very pleasant but I need the relief of full powered thrusting penetration to ease my symptoms... and I cannot focus on the rhythm of my own arm and simultaneously relax into the waves. It just doesn't seem to be possible. I will forever bemoan the fact that I have not managed to accomplish the co-ordination to rub my tummy and pat my own head at the same time, for the ability to frig my own clit and plough my own furrow is surely just extrapolating it to the next logical step.

More than anything, the failure to achieve peace through masturbation confirms to me that it is probably something else that I miss. Not just sex, but the comfort of his arms around me. The immersion of my consciousness in his skin. The sound of his voice in my ear sending shivers of arousal up and down my spine and the resulting goosebumps covering my skin.

I yearn for intimacy.


Anonymous said...

I have bad news. I have yet to find anything, anything that comes close to the utter satisfaction of great sex. It doesn't matter which toy (or how many), which hand (and the whole stranger thing with your non-dominant hand is rubbish), in the shower, in bed or anywhere else. Porn doesn't help (nor does reading your

I find some small relief in planning our next encounter. If I give myself small goals and plot all the delicious things I want to do to him, it eases the need somewhat. The more elaborate, the better. I use up time finding the right toys, right props, right set up. You can't get it off your mind anyway, so you might as well enjoy it.

A favorite stand by is the school girl for us. I drag out a mini skirt, a cute sweater, thigh highs (or a garter) and some Mary Janes. Put my hair in ponytails and find one of those carnival style lollipops. The second half is to plan something devious in the bedroom. The more time it takes you to plan/purchase (oh, a reason to go shopping), the sooner it'll seem he'll be back in your bed.

Just a suggestion, Good luck....

Anonymous said...

You're right... it's when you're actually getting amazing sex from time to time that you miss it the most. And no, masturbation isn't a real substitute. It's the worst when there is no meeting date set, and you ache, completely ache, to the point where you wonder if it would be better never seeing him, not knowing him, at all.

Then he's there, and it's happening, and you know it's worth the wait.

Tom Allen said...

How do men deal with their raging libidos when the object of their lust is unable to be present?


Centuries of practice, my dear, Cake. It's just one of those things that we men have adapted to over the years, simply because it was either that, or explode.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I'm of absolutely no help I'm afraid. It's a similar situation (for different reasons) with the captain, but it's not likely to change. I'm not sure what the answer is...wait, or settle. But is it so much worse, more intense because of the enforced separation, or would that level of desire just not be there day to day. Hmm. Time to stop rambling. BG x

monkey said...

im afraid its easy for us men but as the lust is quickly dispersed it returns within moments. masterbation is only a temporary solution and female masterbation always way more fun then mens.
anyway what you need is a relationship this comes with the great sex and the intimacy. its just finding the right partner.

Z said...

yes, sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, nothing else can assuage the lust but intimacy.

It fades to a dull ache, sometimes, and then something sets it off again, and you're back on tenterhooks.

You just have to stick it out, and write it out :)

Phil said...

Yes, sex is, if anything, intimacy and it seems we all yearn for that in one way or another.

Pixie said...

you are so right when I'm without sex I can become celibate and never think abbout my sexual desires. Then when I get into a relationship I'm like a maniac, I'm so fucking horny.
but however much I play with myself nothing, absolutely nothing beats that intimacy between a man and a woman, well at least from my sexual preferrances.

having my cake said...

NG - I too plan outfits and scenarios well in advance and, yes, it does seem to help the time to pass more quickly.

Marianne - I hope someone is making you feel that way atm x

Tom - From your blog, I know you are an expert on controlling your lust... even when the object of it is lying right next to you :)

BG - I actually do enjoy the gaps most of the time. I was trying to explain it to Ruf yesterday. I love the lust, the way it builds to a crescendo so that when I finally walk into his flat, I cant keep my hands off him.

Monkey - I hope Im lucky enough to have found that combination :)

Z - I dont know what Id do without my blog. It allows me to vent at least some of the emotion.

Phil - This is why I cant really understand people who specialise in one night stands because they miss the real intimacy.

Pixie - I think it's probably no different with same-sex couples. It's the connection that is key.

Anonymous Boxer said...

soon, Cake? Soon for you? I hope so... for every reason you stated.

Vi said...

I haven't had sex since 1st Jan (and it was shit) I seem to have lost my libido, apart from last week, it came back with a vengence. Good old thumper and chief's vid and old emails were used. Seem to do the trick. But saying that, I've bought one of those 'diposable toothbrushes' that vibrates, and everytime I swith it on and hear it whirring, I think of you! LMAO!!!

bittersweet me said...

It is not even the promise of a shared orgasm that i miss as much as his flesh in me and the weight of him on me.

7 weeks seems like a very long time. I hope the time flies by for you.

2 Dollar Productions said...

There are always some dry spells - caused by distance, circumstances or otherwise - and unfortunately I've found no decent substitute for the real thing. But that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to find something to stem the tide.

Kate Michele said...

she sits nodding in agreement

George said...

It's like a mid afternoon snack ... it take away the immediate hunger but not like a full 5 course dinner at the end of the day.

Ho hum said...

'How do men deal with their raging libidos when the object of their lust is unable to be present?'

I read SSAP21. The urge to finish anything, ever, fades into oblivion.

having my cake said...

AB - Thank you. 62 hours and counting.

Vi - LMAO. Not about you not getting none but about you thinking about me whilst you're not getting any :)

BS - Yup, his flesh inside me...

2$ - It's always a diversion trying to find distractions.

Kate - Hello :)

George - Now Im comparing masturbation to shortbread fingers and a cup of vanilla rooibos.

Hohum - I have no idea what SSAP21 is, but it sounds like official documentation. Guaranteed snooze factor built into those :)

Walker said...

How do men deal with it.
hmmm.... well we can either pull our pin or there is always the neigbours wife.

When there is no choice you make due with what you have.

Ro said...

I can't comment on how other men deal with lack of sex. In my case, I can only say it varies.

There are times when it drives me near-insane (or, you might say, slightly nuts), not just up the wall but across the ceiling and down the other side.

Then, yes, I masturbate ... sometimes excessively. I rarely need porn to help; usually my imagination is quite enough.

At other times and certainly after a long dry spell my libido gives up and goes into hiding - blessed relief! It doesn't mean I don't want ... it just doesn't drive me so crazy.

The only problem is that when I eventually do break the fast, I want more more more MORE which means going through the whole withdrawl thing again!

Redhead Editor said...

I know just how you feel... I went FOUR years once without it and just put it out of my head. Now that I am getting it every 6-8 wks, I am like a horny college girl. I feel your "pain."

Of course, you can't rub your tummy and pat your own head at the same time... you can't even find your cervix. No surprise there.

And finally, plleeeeease tell me you have another toothbrush for the purpose of brushing your teeth?

Soon, my dear Cake. Jesus won't be the only one rising from the dead. Happy Easter!

Isabella Snow said...

Yes, they wank incessantly. And so should we, lol. ;)